Tales from the Scale (Or... The Road to Hell)

Better Living Through Chemistry

2009-06-29T12:18:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling like a bit of a fraud. The one remark that I hear over and over again from all of my wonderfully supportive friends and family is that my attitude is "great", "amazingly positive", etc. I suppose I am pretty positive, but I have to admit that my attitude is chemically enhanced. Yes, I have the wonderful Vicodin and Percocet which make me kind of loopy. But while I was in Kessler, I was also put on, what I like to call "happy pills". The brand name is Celexa and it is an anti-depressant.

While I was in Kessler, Joyce, the center's psychologist, came to talk to me in the gym one day. The woman had me pegged within 10 minutes. She said she could quite literally see the control I was exerting as the emotions roiled right beneath the surface. After talking further she said, "What would you say if I suggested putting you on an anti-depressant?' I said, "You wouldn't be the first." I was never the most emotionally stable person to begin with for a variety of reasons. I was in kind of a holding pattern type of depression before the accident, unable to figure out how to get to the next step in my life. I also tend to tamp down the emotions and keep a tight rein on them. I hate letting people see me cry.

Three weeks after the accident, I had never really let go of my feelings. I had cried a little in frustration while waiting for my hip surgery to be scheduled. I had cried a little in anger and frustration when I had to ring 3 times and wait 30 minutes for someone to bring me a bed pan, When the aide finally did bring it, she asked why I was crying and I said, "They're not tears. It's urine leaking out of my eyeballs because I have to pee so badly." One thing that made me not want to let go of my emotions while I was in the hospital was multiple admonishments from nurses and aides when I did cry a little. They would tell me that I had no reason to cry because I was alive and I would walk again and that was more than some people.

I think another reason why I hadn't really cried about the accident and the situation was that I was still sort of in denial about the severity of the accident and my injuries. When I was in the emergency room, I called my boss to tell him I didn't think I would make it into the office on Monday. When I got done with the surgeries I figured I'd be going back to work in a month. A bit unrealistic I know now.

That morning, three weeks to the day after the accident, I woke up and I could feel it coming. All I wanted to do was cry. Of course, since I don't want others to see me cry, I struggled to keep the lid on it as I ate breakfast and got dressed for the day. As soon I was set in my wheelchair, I wheeled myself out of the room, down the hall and out the door to the patio. I kept my back to the building and the torrent unleashed. I cried. Not a couple of tears, but huge body wracking sobs. The nurse came out and asked if I was okay and I told her that I just needed to be alone for a few and let it out and she left. As the tears kept coming, another woman came out and set a box of tissues down on the table next me and sat quietly on the bench. Eventually as the sobs petered out, she said, "Sometimes you just need to cry. It's okay." She had been visiting with her father and saw me out the window. We talked a little about my frustrations and my pain. My loss of independence and control over my life. Actually, I talked and she listened. She didn't offer platitudes or tell me I had nothing to cry about. She was just there. I never found out her name, but I will never forget her and her kindness.

I think the major component of my good attitude is a sort of acceptance. I've always been the type of person, who when confronted with an obstacle or challenge, just sets out to deal with because there is no choice in the matter. My brother and I would joke in the hospital that there was no such thing as dignity and modesty in a hospital. So I accepted it and just went with the flow, it made life easier. I joked when the ortho residents, two young guys I referred to as Tweedledee and Tweedledum, came in to change my surgical dressings. I mean, what else can you do when your naughty bits are exposed to the world while they are sticking gauze to your ass and then on your abdomen, taping it in such a way, that I think the hospital will charge me for a Brazilian bikini wax. Another time, while under the influence of lots of morphine, they rolled me to get to the ass bandages and I ended up with my face right in the crotch of a very cute resident. I looked up at him and said, "You're very cute, but I usually at least get dinner first." In another bed pan incident, I had rung for a bed pan and the aide who came in was a young man named Michael. He paused and said, "Would you like me to send in a female aide?" I told him no and that I was sure I didn't have any bits he hadn't seen before. (Although I'm also pretty sure he wasn't interested in my type of bits...) He turned out to be one of my favorite aides.

By my last days at University Hospital, I was so tired of being poked and prodded and taped and answering the same questions over and over and then being discussed like I wasn't even there. Since the hospital was a teaching hospital, every morning the roving band of students (who we referred to as "the pod" or "the horde") would come in and go over my case. One morning, they walked in and I said, "So Doc, have you figured out what's wrong with me yet?" One student laughed out loud, but the rest just looked confused.

Ultimately, I think my attitude about the whole situation comes from the idea that if I don't laugh about it, I'll cry. Things are what they are. I can't change what happened, all I can do is get through it. And the way to get through it is to focus on the good things and the funny parts. Of course a little chemical boost makes this a lot easier. Scott says that I've become a lot more even tempered since starting the Celexa. I suppose that's one more good thing.

Scarred for life

2009-06-27T07:15:00.001-07:00

The worst part of this whole recuperation process is the inactivity. I was a reasonably active adult before this. Back when I originally started this blog I wore a pedometer all day over the course of a few normal days and discovered that on weekdays I walked an average of 2 1/2 miles just living my life. And on weekends during the spring/summer/fall, I would hike 4 -7 miles on the weekend when I could.

Before the accident, my brother Chris told me that he wanted to get back to hiking, it had been a couple years since we had been hiking together. I was excited, especially since my car died in early March and I had made the decision not to replace it right away. If Chris wanted to hike on a regular basis then I would have a larger range of options for hiking and I wouldn't have to rent a car to go. Of course the accident changed all that. Chris now no longer has a car for the summer either. And of course physically neither one of us are going to be walking the trails this year. I'll miss getting out to nature, the smells the sights and the sounds. Grrr... Arrgh

I'm doing some exercises, but I'm basically in a holding pattern until I can put weight on the hip which will happen in about 11 days. I use the crutches around the house and to take short walks to the deli on the corner or the park down the block and that takes a lot of energy. But I can't wait to be able to start working on the leg and get the muscles back. They are so wasted that you can really see the difference in my right leg and left leg. And then as an added joy, I've spent so much time lying on my back in the past 2 months, that I discovered a dime sized bald spot has developed on the back of my head. Like I didn't have enough to obsess over.

Most of my days are spent either lying in my bed or sitting in my office chair and it all gets kind of old. So a couple weeks ago I took advantage of my parents' offer to help me out in some way and asked them to rent me an electric scooter so I could venture further from home and run errands. Hoboken is 1.2 miles square so everything is pretty much within walking (or scooter) distance. Happily my parents obliged, so I hopped on the internet to find one. The first place I tried was a big national internet site called scootaround.com, but when they emailed me the quote I was floored. $415 + various other charges to rent one for a month! I did a bit more searching and found Wellcare Home Mobility in Hackensack, NJ, they rent the same scooters for only $125 per month! And bonus! The gentleman I spoke with was so nice and so personable. He asked the height and weight of the person needing the scooter. I said 5'7" and about 190 pounds and he said "Oh, so a smaller person." I told him I loved him...

The scooter has been great. I can get to the grocery store and the drugstore and the post office all by myself now. And today Scott and I cruised on down to the waterfront to eat our bagels for breakfast while watching the river traffic. Here's a picture Scott took of me.

It was a beautiful morning to be out and about.

I weighed myself this morning and I was down to 185.8. This is the lowest weight I've been since my sophmore year of college. I'm amazed that I keep losing especially given my reduced acivity level. The one thing I could never get a handle on in the past is getting both the eating and the exercising right at the same time. If I was exercising, I would eat more than I should. If I was eating right, I wasn't exercising like I should. So maybe this time I can get it right. We will certainly find out in a little under 2 weeks.

All right it's time for an overshare... The surgeries I had were pretty major so the scars are accordingly major. I'm stil sort of amazed by them so I've taken pictures of them.

This is my neck scar. It's still healing because I had to wear that damn neck collar 24/7. It would get no air and my neck was always hot and sweaty. Eventually, there was just a small hole there, which has now closed up. Scott commented that I would no longer be able to enter the Matrix... (sorry, geek humor)

Also notice all the tape gunk on my skin. It was weeks before I got all the gunk off my arms and my chest so I can't wait to stop having to put a dressing on my neck as well.

This is the scar that runs down my side and halfway across my lower abdomen. This is the first one I saw and the one that made me realize that my bikini wearing days are over, not that they really every got started. I haven't worn a bikini since I was about 7 years old and had nothing to fill it out with. Jeez, I never had a chance to really live I guess... Notice the the dots running down either side, those are from the staples they used to close up the incision. And there were a ton of them. I joked in the hospital that I looked like a shark bite victim.

This is the one that runs up the side of my thigh and then curves onto my lower back. There is also one more that runs straight up my butt cheek onto my lower back, but really, I've already scared you with pictures of my stomach and thigh, nobody needs to see my ass too. When I finally saw these, I realized that I had been filleted. But that's what you get when you break your acetabular and dislocate your sacro-iliac joint ( also know as, your hip socket and butt joint). I know these will fade eventually and I'm rubbing cocoa butter and vitamin E on them to help that along. But ultimately I'm not really all that bothered by them. To me, they don't represent a horrible injury. To me, they mean I'm alive. I survived a situation that could have very easily gone the other way and almost did.

Scott thinks that I should get a cool tatoo around them, like a chinese dragon twisting around the scar. Eh, maybe.

I think that's all for now. I hope nobody was eating when they saw those pictures!

Cheerios!

Twenty the hard way

2009-06-24T18:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted on this blog. I apologize. It seems old patterns are hard to break. I get gung ho on a project and I stick with it for a while. But then I miss a day or two or three. I swear I'm going to get back to it but as more days pass it gets harder and harder to return to it. So here I am 10 months later giving it another try.

A lot has happened in these past months. I gained back the 8 or so pounds I had lost last summer and continued my usual pattern of bouncing between 205 and 215. I watched my 16 year old niece battle anorexia and get down to around 90 pounds before having a break through and learning to get back to a healthy weight. I turned 40. And probably most significantly, at the end of April, I was in a car accident. A pretty serious car accident.

This was not my first car accident, but it's the first one in which I've been seriously injured. That day started a lot of firsts for me. The first time I've been in an ambulance. The first time I've stayed in a hospital. The first time I've broken a bone. The first time I've had major surgery. The first time I've ever had morphine. The first time I've ever had a view of my own mortality.

What happened was this...

My brother Chris picked Scott and I up early that Saturday morning in his Saturn Ion. Scott being 6'6" got the front seat, while I had to make do with the small backseat. It was a lovely morning as we headed out to Flemington, NJ. We were going to the Amish Market out there on Route 206 to get some of the world's best donuts and some pork from the pig roast they hold on the last Saturday of the month. But mostly we were going for the donuts.

We had gotten on I-78 heading west. I was sitting at an angle trying to get comfortable with the minimal amount of legroom that the Ion provides backseat passengers, especially when they are sitting behind 6'6" boyfriends. Chris and Scott were chatting away up front. I recall thinking that I should probably put on my seat belt, when it all happened very quickly. I didn't see it so I can only relay what I heard and what I was told later. We were traveling in the left lane going around 60 mph. What I was told was that the car in front of us, lost power and came to a dead stop in the lane, no lights, no warning, nothing. What I heard was my brother saying "Oh shit!" and then the unforgettable sound of one car impacting into another. Suddenly we were stopped, the airbags in the front seats were deployed and I was between the two front seats. We were all conscious and checking on each other. As I began to move myself back into the back seat, I realized something was wrong. I got the back door open and began to shift my body to get out, my left foot was hanging limply on the leg. At first I thought my ankle was broken, but as I continued to shift I realized it was the whole leg. The problem was my hip. And as the adrenalin wore off the pain started. The pain was like nothing I've ever felt before. Scott, who was relatively unhurt because he was wearing a seat belt and had an airbag, hovered helplessly and anxiously nearby. My brother was in the front seat with what we found out later was two broken legs and a broken knee. It seemed like an eternity until the EMTs arrived. And apparently it was. It took over 40 minutes for the State Police to arrive on the scene. They wouldn't call for an ambulance until they assessed the scene. So it was another 10 minutes until the EMTs arrived.

Chris said the worst moment of his life was listening to the paramedics move me out of the car, screaming in pain. From here on everything is a just blurbs of memory for me. Answering questions, begging for something for the pain, every bump in the road on the way to the hospital. One of the funny things was that whenever someone asked me what I weighed I would say "210.6". I knew precisely because I had just weighed myself that morning. At the emergency room I was still lucid enough to call another brother and sister and let them know what happened. At this point I was coming in and out of consciousness as the doctors and nurses did their work. I recall opening my eyes at one point and finding myself surrounded by all my siblings. Frankly the next 8 days of my life are pretty much lost to me. I had 2 subluxated vertebrae in my neck and a broken hip so I was heavily medicated and in traction. I had surgery on my neck the next day (Sunday) and that went well. My hip surgery however kept getting put off. Every day they would tell me that I would go in that day and every night they would say "Nevermind". Because I could not eat anything before surgery, I wasn't allowed to eat even if I wanted to (which I didn't, between the drugs and the pain, I had no appetite). I was finally taken in to the OR on Thursday. During the 14 hour surgery to repair my hip, I apparently developed bacterial pneumonia and after the surgery they were unable to extubate (remove the breathing tube) for three days. I found out later that during those three days my family was not certain that I would make it.

I spent another week in the hospital, finally able to eat something after over a week of nothing. I didn't have much of an appetite, which was okay since the hospital food was terrible, often crossing over to inedible. After that second week in the hospital I was moved to Kessler Rehabilitation Center to begin the work that would let me return home. One of the first things they did when I got there was weigh me. This was accomplished by rolling me into a sling and lifting me with this crane type thing. When the nurses aide announced "210 pounds" I couldn't believe it. Two weeks of eating nothing or next to nothing and all I lost was half a pound?!?! What's with that? It was pointed out to me that I was still very swollen and bloated from the surgeries.

That first week at Kessler, though the food was a lot better, my appetite was still very low. I would only eat about half of whatever they brought me. I was doing about 3 hours of physical therapy a day, but at least half of that would be me resting as most activities exhausted me. However, I was making progress. When they weighed me at the beginning of the next week, I was down to 202 pounds. By the second week I was getting stronger and doing more. I was eating a little more, but only at mealtimes and I never thought about searching out snacks. I progressed rapidly and before the end if the week I was swinging myself along on crutches (I've had a lot of experience with them due to my chronic knee problems). That was all the incentive the insurance company needed to kick me out of the rehab hospital and send me home. They weighed me once more before I left. I about fell over when I found out the new number: 199 pounds! I was under 200 pounds for the first time in about 15 years! I couldn't believe it. It finally happened! And all I had to do was get into a horrible car accident! Not the recommended weight loss method I have to say, but it was a nice silver lining to this difficult time.

While I was happy to be home after 4 weeks of hospitals, it wasn't as easy as I would have hoped. I felt bad that Scott had to do everything for me, including all the cooking. One of the first things he noticed was that I wasn't eating as much as I used to. I often didn't finish my meal. I've been home for about a month now and while my appetite has improved, I'm definitely not eating as much as I used to. We don't keep lots of sugary snacks in the house because both of us are watching our sugar more closely these days. I don't snack a lot because, being on crutches I can't carry it. That's not to say we haven't succumbed from time to time. Scott bribed me with a mini-cupcake if I could make it to the cupcake store on my crutches (I made it in record time!). A client send me a box of gourmet brownies. Of course, we ate them, but I limited myself to no more than one a day and I did skip a couple of days. And I made a blueberry buckle this weekend. We ate part of it and brought the rest to my brother when we went to visit.

I weighed myself this morning and I am happy to report I'm down to 187.1 pounds, that's down 23.5 pounds. According to the standard BMI charts, I am officially no longer obese, now I am merely overweight. If I lose 28 more pounds I will be a "normal" weight. Since I have finally broken that 200 barrier, I'm more confident that I can get there and possibly even to my goal weight of 145. This is the first time in a long time that it has seemed attainable.

In about 2 weeks I will be able to put weight on my left hip again and begin physical therapy to begin walking again. I'll be happy for the increased activity. Unfortunately, I will be unable to do any hiking this summer. That bums me out a bit.

The accident was definitely a life changing moment, but the silver linings I have discovered are many, the weight loss jump start is just one small one. After a lifetime of feeling unlovable, I learned that I am well and truly loved. I learned that I have the most amazing brothers and sisters who circle the wagons when crisis strikes. And I learned that I have an incredible support system of friends and family that I never really understood was always there. I've always been a very independent person and I have a hard time asking for anything. I can't thank all the people who have been there for me during this time enough. I think I'm going to come out of this a much lighter person, both physically and mentally.

Cheerios!

A Re-Hash That is Still Relevant

2008-09-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

Regularly scheduled Blogs will return soon. I apologize for the interruption.

Meanwhile, since I can't escape it, here is an old blog entry I wrote elsewhere a couple of years ago:

I hate this day. It's a day filled with "tributes" and "memorials" and endless rehashing of that devastating day in 2001. I remember that day all too well, it's too hard to have to watch it all over again.

I was fortunate that I worked in midtown and didn't have to deal with the terror and panic of being right down there and I was fortunate that I lost no one close to me.

But I do remember. I remember coming out of a meeting to find that we all had messages from members of our families. I remember our receptionist telling us that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. I remember trying to call back my sister and brother and being unable to get a line out. I remember watching on a small TV in my boss's office as the second tower was hit. And watching the towers fall. I remember finally getting through to my brother (who worked for the phone company). I remember the fear when he asked if I had heard from Suzie (our youngest sister) who had left early that morning to head into the city on her route as a record label rep (which included stores in the mall in the WTC).

I remember being thankful for the internet so I could keep in touch via instant messaging and email, with my family when none of the phones or cell phones would work. I remember the intense relief when Suzie finally e-mailed me to let me know she hadn't been down there, but was now stuck out on Long Island when they closed all the bridges and tunnels. I remember being touched by all the emails from friends in different parts of the country, asking if I was okay.

I remember the uncertainty leaving the office around noon wondering if I would be able to get home again (to New Jersey). Then being overwhelmed when I walked out to 5th Avenue and looked south. The huge plume of smoke and dust made my knees buckle. I remember walking across Manhattan to the river and passing groups of people standing in the middle of deserted roads looking south, some crying, most just standing there in shock. I remember waiting in line almost 2 hours to get on a ferry back across the river, with people covered in dust and dirt and in shock. I remember how nice and polite everyone standing single file on that line was.

I remember finally making it home and re-watching everything on TV and being in tears. I remember getting up the next morning and taking my sister's dogs (I was dogsitting because her apartment was supposed to have an exterminator come in on Tuesday) for a walk down to the river front smelling the acrid smoke and dust that the wind was now carrying across to us. And I called my boss to tell him I would not come into the city that day.

I remember going back into the city on Thursday and being devastated all over again by all the makeshift memorials that had popped up in Bryant Park. All the missing posters were overwhelming. I remember what was once a 30 minute commute by bus becoming a 2 1/2 hour commute for weeks.

I remember not knowing what to say to a young woman who worked for a client, who had suffered a miscarriage in April, lost her husband on 9/11 and found out she was pregnant again two weeks after that day.

I remember it was over a year before I could bring myself to set foot in that area of Manhattan. I remember losing it in St. Paul's Chapel and having to leave.

Four years later, I remember accompanying a friend from out of town to Ground Zero and once again losing it in St. Paul's and having to leave.

And I remember being on the crosstown bus this morning during the moment of silence and seeing all the construction workers gathered silently holding American flags and having to put on my sunglasses so people wouldn't see me welling up.

I remember. I don't need the endless reminders.

Day 52: Sore Sides and Sweaty Hair

2008-07-22T20:21:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhh... I just got back from tonight's exercise: walking. I did my regular 3+ mile loop. It keeps me close to the river and there is a nice breeze you get off the water to help keep me cool on this extra warm night. It seems I've also missed my strolls around town. I haven't reached the point of getting a "runner's high" yet. But this exercising stuff is really starting to grow on me I think.

It's not pretty for sure. When I get done with a hike or yoga class or one of my Hoboken walks, I'm usually, quite literally dripping with sweat. My hair is soaked. My shirt is soaked. Even my underwear is damp. And in the case of a hike, my hat and shorts are pretty wet as well. My face is flushed, my mascara is running, (if it's a weeknight). And sometimes, some of my muscles and joints continue to pay the price the following day. I realized when I got back from work and walking, that even though it seemed okay slipping back into my yoga routine, my sides are paying the price today. Jody had us doing a lot of twisting poses and the poor muscles along my sides got quite the workout. Any time I turned, or walked quickly, or got up from a chair, the muscles in my sides made their presence known. What's the old saying, "No Pain, No Gain"? My right knee is still a bit stiff and sore from the lack of support I had been giving it, while favoring my left knee. I'm hoping that loosens up soon.

But on the other hand, when I finish whichever exercise I've chosen for the day, I have a general sense of satisfaction. My lungs feel more open. My muscles are warm and loose. And especially in the case of yoga, I feel calmer and more centered. And as sore as they are, I'm also getting my sides back. One of the benefits of all the hiking I did that one year was that my sides tightened up and became a smooth curve making my hourglass shape more of an hourglass and less of a partially squeezed tube of cookie dough. I noticed it this evening as I was walking up the hill at Stevens Tech and I put my hands on my waist as I normally do. The smooth curves are definitely returning.

Perhaps once I get fully back in the swing after my lost weekend, I'll reach the point of the runner's high and it will be less of a chore to drag my ass off the couch and into activity. DHPs and other exercise freaks (and I'm at the point, where freaks is still the right word) always talk about how they look forward to their exercise time. How their day isn't complete unless they've been able to do their regular exercise routine. Umm... okay... when does that kick in exactly? Because I'm looking forward to that moment. That moment in time when surfing the internet or curling up and watching "Scarecrow & Mrs. King" is less appealing than making myself sweaty and sore. I'm not sure I believe that day will ever come, particularly in the case of "Scarecrow & Mrs. King."

I'm running a little behind with the posting of the blogs I know. I'm hoping to catch up today. But thanks all for sticking with me!

Day 51: What If?

2008-07-21T04:06:00.000-07:00

Today we'll start off with a couple of pictures. The first is the embarkation picture from my recent Victory Cruise. Or as I like to call it, proof that I got Scott to set foot on a cruise ship. I just wish I had thought to take a picture of him in the piano bar, because I'm not sure anyone would believe that.

The second picture is of me and My Brian, from his visit here last week. I do believe we are both sober in this picture, getting ready to go out to the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA). We did actually do more than drink while he was here. In addition to MOMA, we took a trip down to Red Bank, NJ to visit Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash. Brian is an avid comic book reader and a big Kevin Smith fan so he's always wanted to check it out. We also went to Sweet Caroline's Dueling Piano Bar his first night, which led to a lot of drinking. And we went to the Billy Joel "Penultimate Play at Shea" on Wednesday night. So we started and ended our time together with music. Which seems fitting. Perhaps a little more fitting than starting and ending our time together with tequila.

I went to yoga class tonight for the first time in a little over two weeks. I was prepared to have a hard time, to not be able to hold the poses or get into many of them. But, it wasn't as difficult as I thought. I'm not saying I was able to do it quickly or perfectly, but I was stretchier than I imagined. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that the air conditioning was off at the the studio (Hey man, I didn't sign on for Bikram yoga!) So my muscles were already nice and warm. Perhaps it was because my expectations were low so what I could do surprised me.

At the beginning of class, Jody told us about a seminar she attended over the weekend called "Matrix Energetics". It's all about energy and it's uses in healing, psychologically and physically. Pretty interesting stuff. Now I'm not some hippie-dippy kind of person, but I do believe in energy work and I've felt the energy that flows from us and between us and others. I think next time this guy does a seminar in the area I might try and go. The possibilities are fascinating. And of course it is the possibilities that seem to be out of reach because we've been taught all our lives that there are limits to everything. It's hard to change beliefs that have been instilled in you since childhood.

That was one of the things that Jody kept talking about. Even when we do accept beliefs outside of the norm, it's hard to follow them when everyone else is preaching the opposite. The two words that Jody said over and over again was "What if". What if something that you believed couldn't change suddenly did, how would that feel? And she made a point about feeling rather than thinking because feeling is so much stronger. She got me thinking while I was going through my poses. What if I could actually lose this weight? What if my knees didn't get stiff and sore? What if I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up? A lot of what if's, but probably the three biggest things on my mind. Because I was in that mind set, I thought about the weight loss what if. And honestly the first feeling that popped up was fear. I've been overweight for so long, I feel like it is part of what defines me as me. So who am I going to be if I become a thin person? Will it change my personality? How will it change the way people look at me and respond to me and perceive me? I think I have to lose that fear of losing myself in order to let go of the weight. That's something to work on in my yoga class and my quiet moments I think. It sounds weird to be afraid of losing weight, but I think that really is an issue.

Enough with contemplating my navel...

When I got out of yoga class tonight I felt really good. It was nice to be back and moving and focused. It was also nice to realize that I actually have adopted some real changes in my eating habits. That has always been a big struggle. I've kicked the junk and sugar, now I just need to get my portions back under control. I've started bringing my lunch to work again. First off, it saves me a lot of money. But secondly, it also makes it easier to control the portions since I pack it when I'm not hungry.

Now, if I can just avoid tequila shots and 14 day lost weekends, I should be back on track soon.

Cheerios!

Days 49&50: Wrong Way Laura

2008-07-20T21:06:00.000-07:00

When I got up Saturday morning, it took me a while to get the gumption up to go out and hike. It was going to be an incredibly hot day. I hadn't hiked in 2 weeks, I really sort of wanted to just sleep in. But, I had to get back on track.

I chose an relatively simple hike. It lists as a 4 mile moderate loop on High Mountain in Wayne, NJ. But once again, because of some trail re-routing it is a little longer now, almost 4 and 1/2 miles. Still not bad and there is only one serious up. Well, at least if you do the hike as written and don't take a wrong turn right off the bat...

I should have known it was going to be one of those days. Once I got myself together to head out, Scott asked if I would drop him at the post office since it was so hot out. We got in the car and I started to make a turn, the wrong way on a one way street. I've lived here for 17 years, how could I mess that up? I caught myself and corrected it, and laughed it off saying, "Well, that doesn't bode well for my hike today!" If only I knew then...

I knew generally where I was going and I had the hike directions, so I was halfway to Route 80 before I realized that the hike directions did not include how to get there from Route 80. I pulled over and pulled out a couple of maps, alas, they did not have details of the area, but I got a decent sense of which way to go and was relying on memory to get me the rest of the way there. I knew from 80 I had to get on Rt 23 North. But after that getting over to 504 was going to be luck of the draw. I passed the exit for Alps Road (go ahead and snicker Ed) even though it sounded familiar and headed up to Packanack Road because that also sounded familiar. I cruised through a lovely residential area and realized that while I wasn't on the right road, I was heading in the general direction. I eventually found Ratzer Road which also sounded familiar and turned onto it in the general direction I thought I needed to go. Soon I was at Alps Road again with a sign directing me to Rt. 504. Oops, well, I only went a little way out of my way.

Once I hit 504 I was on the hike directions. I cruised up College Road, but a lot had changed and they didn't have Parking Lot signs like they used to. I also noticed a new lot specifically for High Mountain Park. So I drove right past Parking Lot #6, realized my mistake and had to turn around. When I came back, I decided to park in the new lot, since it wasn't that far from Lot #6. Then I got out of the car to see where the trail started. I knew that the Red Trail actually started back up the road a bit, but I saw an unmarked trail directly ahead an thought may the re-routing had come over this way, or at worst the unmarked trail would meet up with the red trail. Yeah, not so much. I broke my cardinal rule of hiking "Never start down a hill until you are sure of the path, in order to avoid unnecessary ups." So I added an extra half mile and an unnecessary up to the hike and I was already sweating like George W. Bush on Jeopardy.

When I finally did get on the right trail I was fine. The paths on this trail are wide and well used by mountain bikers and atvs and college students from nearby William Paterson University looking for a place to hang out and party. It only has one serious up that takes you to the "summit of the highest mountain in view of the ocean on the east coast (south of Maine), with outstanding views." The views would have been very nice if we hadn't had so much rain and the trees weren't all lush and green. Still the summit was very pretty, sort of a meadow with wild blackberry and blueberry bushes, long grasses and lots of crickets.

I didn't encounter another soul on the trail for the longest time. Then my first contact was with a deer that crashed through some brush below me a little. This was the third deer in as many hikes for me, which is a little surprising. I usually don't see many and certainly not later in the day. Which suggests that the deer population has exploded again and they will have a deer hunt in the next few months. This one was a pretty doe and she stood an looked at me for a bit as if trying to figure out what kind of nut case I was for being out there in the heat and humidity. Well, at least I wasn't the one wearing a fur coat! I tried getting a picture but I didn't dare try and move any closer, deer are very skittish. So see if you can spot the deer in the photo below (I'll give you a hint, it ain't called a white tailed deer for nothing):
On the way down the mountain, I caught up with an older couple slowly making their way down the steep part of the trail. They were fairly prepared, appropriate footwear, backpacks with water and hiking poles (really helpful on steep rocky trails). But alas, no map or directions only an idea of where they were going, which they double checked with me. I headed off ahead of them but didn't let myself get too far ahead because there were a couple of less obvious turns. I hung back just long enough to make sure they made them. When we got on the final leg of the trail though, I left them behind and finished the hike.

Air conditioning in cars is a great invention.

By the time I made it back to my car, the trusty pedometer read:

4.87 miles
11446 steps
7151 aerobic steps (at least!)
509 calories burned (at least!)

I felt better about having gotten back on the trail. And even better when I finally got going in the right direction!

Well, I overcame my cowardice and got back on the scale on Sunday. My weight also went in the wrong direction, but the good news is that after my 14 day lost weekend, I only gained a little over a pound! Hooray! That's what happens when you don't eat junk I guess.

After I did the laundry, I had a really lazy Sunday. I didn't have to be entertaining or friendly or chatty, so I curled up in bed and watched old episodes of "Scarecrow and Mrs. King". Bruce Boxleitner is such a hottie! Life was so much simpler in the early 80's. We knew who the enemy was: Those silly Soviets and the communist cronies. And you could always count on Bruce Boxleitner to run out of bullets and then climb up on something and jump on the bad guys and knock them out.

Half the fun is seeing a lot of actors in their early careers: a pre-Seinfeld Michael Richards, a pre-SNL Kevin Nealon, pre-"Earth Girls are Easy" Julie Brown, very young and pre-"Married with Children" David Faustino" and not one, but two "24" presidents Dennis Haysbert and Gregory Itzin. And any number of "Sopranos" actors playing... what else... mob guys.

Well, back to work on Monday and back to yoga! I haven't been in over 2 weeks and I'm missing it!

Have a good week all!

Day 48: Getting Back on the Wagon and the Horse I Rode In On

2008-07-18T06:20:00.000-07:00

Before I start this blog, I'd just like to answer Big Ed who asked: " Do you have any 'I was a good girl stories?'" Of course I do! But they are not nearly as entertaining! I'm a good girl in my day to day life, I just like to break out every once in a while.... And break out is what I did for these last 2 weeks. Oy!

Cruises are over, old friends have gone home. It's time to assess the damage I have wrought by misbehaving so egregiously over the last 2 weeks.

Hours of sleep lost: several
Hours of exercise lost: most of them
Quantity of alcohol consumed: excessive
Brain Cells killed: thousands (hopefully none contained important information)
Weight lost or gained: God only knows, because I'm too much of a coward to get on the scale.

Time spent with boyfriend on the cruise and with best friend having fun: priceless

Can't honestly say I regret anything I did over the last two weeks, although those tequila shots on Monday night might have been a little excessive. I had a lot of fun. I ate too much, but I didn't eat junk. I didn't exercise, but we did a lot of walking (and stumbling and staggering) around. I've already talked about the cruise, so let me 'splain a bit about My Brian, my best friend from college.

I mentioned him before. He's the original source of my thing for pianos and piano players. We met our freshman year of college in a creative writing class and we were virtually inseparable for the next four years. We were Lauraandbrian or Brianandlaura, depending on who was referring to us. He was my rock, my best friend during a time when I wasn't the most stable. If I had a bad day, I could go to him and we would just curl up together and watch reruns of "Hart to Hart" or we would go down to a practice room in his dorm and he would play piano for me, playing my favorite songs or doing silly versions of other songs to make me laugh. We watched each other navigating through the dating scene, knowing we could count of a shoulder to cry on or someone to bitch to when the relationship went south. Brian probably knows more about me than any other person in this world and he still loves me. Everybody needs one of those in their life.

Between having Brian here and talking a lot to a couple of friends having job or love problems, I've been thinking a lot about the people in my life and why they are in my life. In the past I've had some very strong gut reactions to a few people when I first met them. And I always kind of saw it as a sign that these people were supposed to be in my life for whatever reason, they had something to show me. There have been a few people like that, but these are the ones whose purposed was so clear.

I met My Brian when I needed someone to show me unconditional love and comfort and support and stability at a time in my life when I didn't have nor did I think I deserved any of those things.

I met Catherine when I needed a teacher, a guide and a friend to help me make that transition into the adult world.

I met Stephanie and I met a soul sister. Someone on with the same experiences and background and sensibilities and direction to reflect my choices back to me and help me see where I was going.

And I haven't quite figured out his purpose yet, but I had that same gut reaction when I met Ron. But I think it has to do with showing me a different direction in life.

Now, when I met the Bloggers Crew. That was a whole other thing. It had been a really long time since I'd made a new friend. That seems so much harder to do when you get older. And here I met an entire group at once! I have never in my life met a group of people who are so quick to offer love, support and encouragement to people they only know through email and meeting them all just reinforced that. And talk about a gut reaction! I think these folks came into my life to help me on this journey with weight loss and finding a new direction. It certainly wouldn't be possible with out them!

People come and go in your life, but the I think each one has a purpose, something to show you or teach you, if you are open to it.

So now, I'm getting back on the horse and back to the business of trying to lose the weight. Back to the regular blogging. And back to the hiking tomorrow! It should be a cool 94 degrees tomorrow in Jersey!

Day 43: Time Off for Bad Behaviour

2008-07-13T06:28:00.000-07:00

I've been a bad, bad girl. But it's all good.

I seem to have taken the week off. From the blog, from exercise, but I've kept my eating on track for the most part. I didn't weigh myself when I got home from the cruise. I just didn't want to see the damage wrought. I know I didn't eat a lot at dinner, but the problem was that the buffet lines were so freakin' long on the ship that it was often easier to go grab a pastrami sandwich, or a burger and fries or pizza. So not so much with the salads.

I drank a lot of my calories, stuck mostly with gin because that gives me a clean and happy drunk. I've read that if you're going to drink alcohol, gin is one of the lower (not low,but lower) carb alcohols. I strayed from gin a little on the last night in the piano bar. Some of us in there made it our mission to get the piano man drunk. Because a drunk piano man is a funny piano man. So after watching Peter slowly nurse the beer I bought him, we decided to step it up to shots. And we let Peter call his shot. SoCo and lime.

Oy! I haven't drank Southern Comfort since my freshman year of college. With good reason. The last time I drank Southern Comfort, I don't remember much about the party the night before but I remember the morning after. I had been working on a journalism project that was due by noon the following day and then studying for a Russian test I had the next day at 9:55 am. I had finished the project and was starting the studying when a friend called and said "everyone" wanted me to come over. I hemmed and hawed a bit then gave in (pretty easily). Well everyone was half in the bag when I got there so I thought I should catch up...oh boy. Like I said, I don't remember much about the party, except that there was an excessive number of Southern Comfort and cokes. I woke up the next morning, half undressed, splayed on my bed at 10:10 am! The exam had started at 9:55. I changed clothes in a panic, ran down to the class, grabbed the test from my teacher as he gave me a strange look. Started the test about 10:20 finished it by 10:45 before anyone else, handed it in, ran to the bathroom, threw up. Then I walked over to the Journalism building, handed in my project and walked slowly back to my dorm, breathing the cold Indiana air in, hoping to clear my head. Got back to my dorm, threw up again and went back to bed. By the way, I got a B+ on the Russian exam. LOL! Talk about rewarding bad behaviour! For a long time, I kept an empty SoCo bottle around to remind myself of that awful morning.

And that was the last time I ever touched Southern Comfort. Until the last night of the Victory cruise. It's only polite to join the person you are buying shots for, so there was a group of us doing them along with Peter. We had a lot of fun in the piano bar that night, getting extremely silly along the way. Around 2:30 am we all headed up to the Lido Deck for pizza and had a good time chatting and munching. Peter and I left together and I rode the elevator with him down one floor. I remember saying good bye to Peter and getting off the elevator. And that's when the shots really kicked in. I don't remember much of anything after that. I don't remember the long walk from the very back of the ship to our room all the way at the very front. I apparently made it. Scott says that when I came to bed, I was going on and on about completely nonsensical things. I woke up the later that morning at 7:30. We had breakfast, well I had toast and some melon, and then we waited to get off the ship. I was surprised at the lack of hangover until I realized, I was still a little drunk. And I had to go straight to work from the ship. Oy!

We ran into several people from the piano bar who all asked if I was going to make it to the office. We waited for them to call our number, because even though we had our luggage, self assist was a madhouse. We finally got off the ship around 10:30. At this point we were some of the last people off the ship so we breezed through customs and hopped in a cab. I made it to the office a little before 11. I did fine until my body decided it was tired and had enough around 4 pm. The last hour was torture.

I really expected to fall back into my routine, but the past week has been busy, catching up with work and recovering from my vacation and I was less than motivated on the exercise portion of the show. Friday night was spent in a cleaning frenzy as I prepared for the arrival of one of my best friends, My Brian. He's come to visit for the better part of a week. I'm just hoping my liver can survive it. We usually have one night where we go out and just get ripped and happy and have fun. That was last night. We went to Sweet Caroline's a dueling piano bar in Times Square and had a lot of fun. And a lot to drink. Brian is the man who introduced me to tequila shots way back when and tequila always seems to make an appearance when we get together and last night was no exception. We left the bar quite happy around 2:15 am and hopped a cab back to Hoboken.

It's funny, but reading this makes it sound like I'm a total lush. I'm really not, I don't drink much in my day to day life. Occasionally some wine or a couple of drinks with dinner over the course of a normal month. But when I get on vacation or once every couple of months when I cut loose with friends, I party it up. I don't expect to be partying this hard again until my Legend cruise in September. Although there are rumors of a Sweet Caroline's happy hour in August. Hmmmm... the two words that spring to mind after that happy hour back in May... pole dance. Perhaps I better skip this happy hour...

I'm hoping to get back to more regular blogging this week. But there are no guarantees, because Brian doesn't leave until Thursday. We are going to see Billy Joel on Wednesday night at Shea Stadium.

Thanks for your patience!

And a quick PS - Thank you Joanne for the Churchill's recommendation in St. John! It was nice and not crowded with other cruisers and the food was terrific! The best meal we had all weekend.

Ooooo a blog about alcohol. Not the blog I hand in mind, but I'll save that for later.

Day 35: Sailing, takes me away

2008-07-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

As I write this I am sitting on my balcony, in a bathrobe and sunglasses. The coastline of New Brunswick is directly ahead of us as we slowly make our way towards it. We are in the Bay of Fundy now so it’s pretty calm. There’s a low level fog along the coastline, but as it is a beautiful, cloudless, sunny day, I expect that the fog will burn off quickly. Our excursion doesn’t leave until 12:30, so we have the morning to relax and take out time getting off the ship.

It’s been a nice cruise so far. I think Scott is probably enjoying himself more than he expected to. I got him to sit in the piano bar with me for a while on the first night, he didn’t last long, but the effort was there and appreciated. Last night, we went to the production show “Living in America” and he said, “It wasn’t bad for what it what it was, high praise indeed. Then the deal was that he would go back to the cabin and nap and I would go to the piano bar for a couple of hours, then we would go to the midnight comedy show, so this was an historic evening. The first time I’ve been on a cruise ship and haven’t spent the entire evening from open to close in the piano bar. It was a struggle let me tell you. But the comedian, Happy Cole was very funny.

This may be the first cruise that I gain weight on. More due to inactivity, than the food. We’ve been pretty lazy so far, breaking my rule of only doing steps. But I suppose my saving grace is that the food has been a MAJOR disappointment. I kept raving about the food in the dining room to Scott, but alas, the quality I recall from my previous 4 Carnival Cruises just has not been there. The first night, Scott’s strip steak and those of the couple sharing our table were tough as leather. I had the sweet and sour shrimp and, while better, the shrimp was kind of mushy. Last night, was the worst though. Scott’s spaghetti carbonara was bone dry, my duck was indifferently cooked and cold, by the time I received it, I ate less than half. The prime rib that one of our companions ordered was 70% fat. However her husband enjoyed his lobster tail and shrimp. The maitre d’ chose last night to come around and ask how dinner was, and trying to be nice, we said, “Well, John enjoyed his.” He asked us what is wrong. The sad part was that while he appeared concerned, he didn’t seem all that surprised. He promised that he would make sure that the meals at least arrived hot.

I doubt it’s a coincidence that the major fall in quality coincides with Carnival’s decisions to drop the staggered seating times for the two dining rooms. Instead of 5:45, 6.8 and 8:30, there are only two seatings, 6 and 8 and I’m sure the kitchen is getting overwhelmed. Also, not coincidentally, they changed the menus recently (but not the dessert menu). I feel really badly for Scott. Plus, this is the first time I’ve really noticed lines at the Lido deck restaurant. And I’m talking really long lines that wrap around the sides.

On the plus side, the pastrami at the deli is still surprisingly good. Desserts however remain fairly indifferent.

Embarkation literally took no time at all. I was prepared of a wait, so I planned for us to arrive at the pier at noon. Figuring if the hour and a half I had heard reported was true, we would be able to go straight to our cabin when we boarded. However, we arrived at noon and we were on the ship at 12:30. Lines were short and efficient, and the embarkation staff was cheerful and friendly.

Fortunately the crew remain the biggest asset that Carnival has. They’ve been unfailingly friendly and helpful, without exception.

Oh and loving my balcony. It’s going to be hard to go back to a simple ocean view or inside when I sail alone, and I’m not sure that Scott will develop the love for cruising that I have so there will probably be many more solo cruises in my future.

And no, there hasn't been any piano riding this trip. I've enjoyed Peter Rossetti very much and we've had some interesting conversations after the bar closed, but while I've been having a tough time getting a handle on him, I do get the vibe that he's not a girl on the piano kind of entertainer. And that's okay. There's always the Bloggers' Cruise in February.

Day 31: Little Victories

2008-07-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

I had two happy moments today, that suddenly made this whole diet and exercise thing seem worthwhile. No, I didn't have a "1" as the first digit of my weight yet. When that happens, y'all will probably hear the whoops and shouts from all the way up in Canada to all the way across the country in California and Oregon. And my friend Nanni in Puerto Rico, if you listen closely you will probably hear it too.

No, today was two smaller victories. It's hard when you're trying to lose weight to see it actually coming off. I mean you can see it in the numbers on the scale and the measuring tape. But because the changes happen so slowly it's hard to see them when you look in the mirror every day. I keep hoping that one day I'm going to wake up and look in the mirror and see a thin person there. Sometimes I wonder if I will even be able to see myself as a thin person. You get so used to thinking of yourself one way and it's hard to change the perception. And this is a lifetime of perception to change here.

Anyway, on to my happy moments. The first happened at work. I was standing by my boss's desk talking to him about some things and he remarked that you could tell that I've lost weight, he could see the changes. Awwwww... Now I've worked for this man for 17 years. He's seen my weight go from about 180 to 250 and now as it is slowly going down again. Of course his wife has him really well trained. He notices when I color or cut my hair or when I'm wearing a dress (which doesn't happen often) and will remark on it. but it was nice of him to notice the small changes that are happening too.

My second happy moment made me dance around the apartment (which I'm counting as exercise!). Before the Blogger's Cruise back in February, I bought two strapless dresses that had very structured tops (read: boning). One was purple and one was blue. They were on sale so the prices were really good. I figured I could bring them on the cruise for the formal nights. There was one small problem. I couldn't zip them up all the way. I could zip them until just above my waist but no further. This was really frustrating since they were my size. But I guess since they didn't have any "give", they just weren't going to go. Instead of returning them, I put them in my closet until the day when I could get the zippers all the way up. Well, that day did not come when I needed a dress from my friend's wedding in March. That day was today!

I'm starting to think about what I'm going to pack for my cruise and even though I haven't lost as much weight as I thought I might need to get the dresses on, just for sh*ts and giggles, I pulled the purple dress out of the closet. I asked Scott to try and zip me up and suddenly a choir of angels singing the "Hallelujah" chorus appeared in my bedroom. (Now I have a pretty big bedroom, but when you get the whole heavenly host in there too, it gets a little crowded and I'm a bit claustrophobic, so it wasn't the pleasant experience one might expect.) The zipper reached the top! It was snug but not overly tight. I could breathe. I could sit. Excited, I pulled the blue satin one out. Bingo! Same deal! Hooray!

It's these little moments that make it all seem worthwhile. It certainly made it much easier to motivate to pull on my exercise clothes, knee braces and sneakers and go walking tonight!

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week. I haven't decide yet whether I'm going to take my laptop on the cruise. If I do, I will try and blog. But no promises. So if you don't see any updates from Thursday night on, don't abandon me completely! I'll be back on Monday!

Day 30: One Month Down...the Tale of the Tape

2008-06-30T23:00:00.000-07:00

I seem to have managed to get through a whole month eating pretty healthy and exercising pretty regularly. Well, at least more regularly than I used to. And what do I have to show for it? This is the story by the numbers:

Weight: 204.3 (-8.3 pounds, or 3.9% loss)
BMI: 32.0 (-1.3)
Waist: 38.5" ( -1")
Hips: 44" (-1")
Bust: 44" (-1")
Thighs: 24.25" (-1")
Upper Arms: 15" (-1")

I guess that is a decent start. I bet if I put a little more effort in on the exercise front, those numbers could be better next month, but isn't it funny how life gets in the way?

So at yoga tonight she had us do a lot of twisting moves with our midsection. I remember one day in class, Jody was discussing the benefit of these twisting moves. She said that it's good release for the liver, because the liver holds what? Of course, being the smart ass I am, I said, "Alcohol?" Apparently, that was the wrong answer, but it was a few minutes before she and the class recovered enough to continue. The right answer, according to Jody, is anger. I didn't know the liver held the anger. That seems a little strange to me. I mean, why doesn't the gall bladder hold the anger? It doesn't have a whole lot of other function and you can survive just fine without it. Imagine how happy people who have had their gall bladders removed would become. It's like a two for one surgery, removing your gall bladder and your anger in fell swoop. I should think people would be clamoring to have their gall bladder taken out if that were the case.

But, no, it's the liver that holds the anger. And it does make a certain amount of sense, especially when you consider that the liver produces bile and there's that old phrase about when some gets angry and they "feel the bile rise".

Anyway, I think there might be something to it. Often, if I'm pretty focused when doing the twisting moves, at least more focused on me then everything else, I come out of class feeling like I want to cry. Tonight was a good example. I thought I was fine when I went in there. I chatted happily with my brother and some yoga buddies before hand. But after class, it had completely changed. I got ticked off at my brother for moving so slowly and laughing at my impatience when I needed to get out of there and suddenly I was just sick and tired of having to live by everyone else's schedule. And I started to wonder why I always felt everyone else's needs and feelings always were more important than mine. I carried this mood all the way home with me. I was thisclose to stopping at the grocery store for ice cream or cupcakes. I drove home instead and went inside. I still wanted to eat something horribly bad for me. But the best I could come up with was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with sugar free preserves. I guess that's better than a whole box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls.

I think I've managed to tamp those feelings back down into my liver where they belong, to seep out occasionally during bouts of PMS. Perhaps a long weekend of drinking and carousing will send enough alcohol through my liver to kill the anger there. At the very least it should get the anger good and drunk and make it not really care for a while.

On the way home from work tomorrow night, I need to get a pedicure. It's been a few weeks. It's also part of my pre-trip ritual. That ought to make me feel better too. I love pedicures. I've been hooked since I got my first professional one about 4 years ago. Why did I ever think that I could cut my own toenails?

In two days, I'll be on a ship. Hooray!

Day 29: Abe Vigoda Lives! And the New Magic Number

2008-06-29T15:36:00.000-07:00

We went out for diner breakfast this morning with my brother Chris and his girlfriend Karen. We always sit in the same section so we can have the same waitress, Nancy. She's our favorite waitress. We're regulars there every weekend so the staff knows us and a lot of the time they just hand us menus and we seat ourselves. Actually some of the time they just wave us through. Nancy brings our drinks over before we've barely sat down. Scott always orders the same thing, bacon and cheddar cheese omelet, french fries, rye toast with a side of bacon. Nancy doesn't even ask anymore. But she does give us the side of bacon for free. I usually change it up. This morning I had a bacon, cheddar and broccoli omelet. which I ate about half of. I got the home fries, but just picked the crunchy brown bits off and ate those. And I had one piece of wheat toast with a scraping of grape jelly. It's a comfortable routine that we've followed virtually every weekend for the past 4 years that we've been living together and and even before on several weekends when Scott would stay over.

Well today our routine paid off in spades! We spotted a real live celebrity. I was happily munching away on my breakfast and I saw an elderly gentleman in an orange shirt shuffling down the aisle towards the restrooms. I nudged Scott and said, "Hey, isn't that Abe Vigoda?" And Scott said, "Yes that is Abe Vigoda!" And I said, "I guess that means he's still alive! Wonder what he's doing at a diner in Little Falls?" Funny part was, my brother and Karen, had their backs to him to they thought we were kidding around. Then we confirmed with Nancy that it was indeed Abe Vigoda, of "Barney Miller", "Fish" and "The Godfather" fame. He's apparently looking at houses in the area. And judging by the way he examined the pastry display and the other stuff in the the counter area, he's quite the diner aficionado.

So that was my celebrity moment for the day. I've seen bigger celebrities. Heck, I've met bigger celebrities. But somehow this celebrity spotting was more sweet and satisfying. It's nice to know that he's still alive and kicking. Although, there is a website devoted to Mr. Vigoda's status: www.abevigoda.com. There is apparently a running joke in the entertainment industry about whether Abe is alive or dead since it has been erroneously reported twice(!) that he had passed on.

Of course, Hoboken can be great for spotting any actor that has ever played any type of mobster (go figure). Danny Aiello ("Broadway Danny Rose", "Moonstruck") runs a comedy night here every Thursday and he is often seen eating at Tutta Pasta, a restaurant I believe he co-owns. He can also be seen sitting in his illegally parked Jag singing opera at the top of his lungs. Joe "Joey Pants" Pantoliano (Guido the Killer Pimp from "Risky Business", Ralph Cifaretto from "The Sopranos) picked up something I dropped for me one day on the street and struck up a short conversation. And Max Cassella ("Doogie Howser" and "The Sopranos") we spotted getting off the bus on Washington Street. Ahhhhhh, the glamorous life!

So this week's magic number is..... 2

I lost two pounds this week. I managed to take off the .7 I gained and a little over a pound more. In a week where my exercise was spotty at best. Hey, I'll take it.

These next two weeks are going to be tough especially on the exercise. Thursday we leave on the Victory for the 4 day to Canada. Now, this shouldn't be so bad. Despite my reputation for boozing it up, I've never gained weight on a cruise. In fact I usually drop a couple on a 7-day. I take the stairs a lot. And my excursions are usually pretty active. But most importantly, I keep myself busy enough that I don't eat much outside for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I know that is like a sin on a cruise, but it's true. And I seem to forget that they have soft ice cream machines around the Lido deck. It also doesn't hurt that I've never been impressed with Carnival's desserts. Even the famous Chocolate Melting Cake doesn't do much for me, it's too inconsistent.

The weekend after we get back My Brian arrives. And while we will probably be running around a lot, we will also probably be drinking a lot. My Brian is the person that got me drinking tequila shots. Egads. We've had some fuzzy but memorable evenings fueled by tequila.

We'll have to see how it goes. But I can't wait to see him!

Day 28: Evading the Wolverines

2008-06-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

After being so bad with the exercise this week, despite my promises to myself, I knew I had to do a good hike this week. However, mindful of my knees which were still a bit stiff, I wasn't sure I wanted all the ups that I had last week so I decided to do one in Palisades Interstate Park. This Park runs along the Hudson River, from just south of the George Washington Bridge all the way up through the New York State Line. In the New Jersey Section, there are two main trails. The Long Path which runs along the top of the Palisades and the Shore Path which runs along the Hudson River. Both paths are relatively level with some minor ups and downs and a few tricky stream negotiations and rock scrambles. Then there are about 4 or 5 trails that connect the two trails and these can be moderate with lots of switchbacks or more steep and strenuous. But even the moderate trails are a bitch because you are making an elevation gain of 400-500 feet in a half mile or less.

There's lots of great views over the Hudson River and several interesting ruins of old mansions which used to occupy the area, until the early 20th century.

The 6 mile loop I chose, utilized one strenuous and steep down and then a moderate up at the end. The description of the hike can be found here.

I usually start every hiking season with the loop that runs south of the Park headquarters. It is slightly easier than the one I did today, about a mile shorter too. It's a good gauge of what my body is prepared for. And I usually do it at the end of the hiking season as well to see how far I've come physically.

But today I went north. As I said, the Long Path is a relatively level path, with few challenges so I was able to keep up a pretty good pace. Nonetheless I was passed several times by DHP's. I had a pretty high DHP count for the day: 12. And that's counting the three that passed me twice only one time each. I also had a relatively high count for other hikers: 15. And only one couple that was woefully under-prepared. She was wearing flip flops. D'Oh!

Shortly after I started the hike, I was met with a side path that leads to an old bridge to a rock outcropping on the cliff. The bridge was built by John Ringling (of the Ringling Bros Circus fame), who used to own a mansion up on these cliffs. The bridge is narrow and crosses and deep ravine and has no side rails so I stared straight ahead and walked quickly across.

The views from the rocks on the other side were lovely. It was a bit hazy out though and I knew I was in for better views further up the trail, so I crossed quickly and carefully back over the old bridge and headed off up the trail.

I finally found the perfect picture to demonstrate a f*ck-it path. There was this huge tree down over the trail and a small rockfall in front of it. The original trail actual heads off to the right in the picture, and (at this point) several enterprising souls have blazed a new path around the obstacle as you can see to the left in the picture. This was actually taken from the back side.

A little further on down the trail, I hit Ruckman's Point. This is a gorgeous lookout over the Hudson and lots of very old graffiti. The oldest one I could make out was 117 years old!

Before you get to the really evil climb down the cliffs portion of this hike, the trail runs by this Rapunzel looking tower thing. This is actually a monument to the the Women's Federation. The Federation was comprised of several women's groups who fought to keep the Palisades safe from quarrying eventually convincing New York Governor Teddy Roosevelt and New Jersey Governor Foster Vorhees to establish the Palisades Interstate Park Commission and designate this area protected land. I find it kind funny that a monument to women looks a bit like a prison.

There were several hikers and DHPs taking a break in the little garden that surrounded the is monument so I took a break as well to replenish my small bottle of water and munch on a granola bar.

Then I headed off to face the pain. The strenuous down portion of the hike. The trail descends first on a series of steep stone steps built in the early twentieth century, so they are not in the best repair and then it continues down on short. steep, rocky switchbacks, more fit for a billy goat than and middle aged woman with bad knees. . The steps were so steep I was starting to get a little vertigo, I stayed well back from the edge and sidled down the steps more than I walked down them. It's only three tenths of a mile, but it feels a lot longer when your taking your time to make sure you have your footing.

It's a relief when you finally hit the Shore Path down below. This part of the hike offers a nice respite. And even better, when there is a big boulder fall off to the right of the path, the breeze that comes off the river gets cooled and bounced back at you. It's like a natural air conditioning. And believe me I needed it. I was sweating like Dick Cheney at confessional. I was pretty much soaked through at this point, the only dry area of my tank top was the bottom hem. While I enjoyed the less strenuous stroll, not having to concentrate on where I was putting my feet, made me pay attention to the fact that my feet were getting really tired and soar. But knowing I was more than half way done, kept me moving forward. I took an alternative path a little way along, that gave me a little up and went through more of a wooded area. But I knew that the pain was coming.

Soon I reached the Closter Dock Trail. This is was my up point, back to the top of the cliffs. This trail is an old cobblestone road, once used by the British Troops during the revolution, when they tried to intercept Washington on his way to Trenton. Do you know what happens to cobblestone roads after a couple hundred years? The cobblestones shift and move and upend. It's kind of a pain to walk over them. And dangerous to your ankles. This trail ascends on a a series of long switchbacks. It really takes it out of you. I find it works best to keep my head down, walk slowly and count my steps. If see how much farther it is too the top, it can get discouraging. And at this point it's only six tenths of a mile back to the parking lot. I was ready to finish.

I finally trudged my way back to the car in a little under 3 hours. My trusty pedometer read:

5.96 miles
13988 steps
626 calories burned (at least!)

Oh, and I have to mention, that while I was sore, my right knee was much happier after this hike since I gave it the same kind of support I give to my left knee. Hooray!

The next two weekends I won't be able to hike. Next weekend, I'll be walking around St. John, New Brunswick, Canada while on my Victory Cruise. And the weekend after that, my best friend, My Brian, is coming into to town from Indiana to visit. I can't wait to see him!

Cheerios!

Day 26&27: Blame it on the Blond

2008-06-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

Oy! It's been a couple of days, I know. Sometimes time just seems to get away from me. So let me backtrack a bit...

On Thursday I went to get my hair colored. The gray was starting to overwhelm even me. And Scott, my ever supportive and loving 6'6" boyfriend, kept looking down at the top of my head and saying "Yeah, you need to get your color done." So Thursday after work I went to see Beatrix. I've been going to her for years. I first let her color my hair about 5 years ago. She hated my gray and hated my out of the box color choices as well, so a few weeks before my first cruise I said, "Okay, have your way with me." And she did. And I ended up blond. Well not really blond but there were enough blond highlights to make it seem that way, my natural hair color is a very dark brown, so it was a bit disorienting to see myself with this new color. We eventually worked out a compromise. Making the color a little darker in general and more dark in the fall and winter. But in the summer, we take it lighter. And yes, I know it's not really blond, but it feels that way to me. And it gives me a good excuse when I do something brainless. I have my "blond moments".

Afterwards I totally intended to exercise, but after I got my dinner. My friend, Princess Elaine, let me know her first grandchild, Gavin, was on the way and to spread the word to the rest of the crew. Then just as I was changing, I got the call from the very emotional bubbe that Gavin had arrived and she gave me the details to pass on. As I was sending out that email, a friend IM'd me needing to chat about some serious stuff going on with him. We ended up chatting for an hour and a half and suddenly it was 11 o'clock at night. There went the day.

Friday. Another day of intention. Scott got out of work early enough to meet me at the Port Authority so we could commute home together. We decided to stop for dinner at a restaurant in uptown Hoboken on our way home. I think the sangria was probably a bad idea, at least it had fruit in it! As we walked home I could feel the wine seeping into my muscles. I always feel alcohol in my shoulders and thighs first. By the time we got home, I told Scott I was going to lay down for a minute and sober up before I went walking. I laid down on the bed and promptly fell asleep! I woke up a few hours later, long enough to get undressed and peel the contact lenses off my eyes. Then it was back to bed and straight through until 7:30 Saturday morning. I guess I was tired.

Oops. Well, like the title of this blog suggests: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. At the rate I'm going, the devil should have a luxury suite prepared for me.

Day 25: Oooooo. Aahhhhhh. Ooohhhhh. Ouch!

2008-06-25T21:13:00.000-07:00

I think I mentioned last week that my left shoulder was hurting. It hurt to move my arm. It hurt to put any sort of pressure on the left arm. It hurt when I moved from lying down to a sitting position. It just hurt. It was definitely a muscle pain. I tried everything to loosen it up. And finally thought maybe I should get a massage. Scott mentioned this bass player that he knew who lived here in Hoboken and was a massage therapist, Mario. So I asked Scott to get in touch with him and get his info. Two days later, I asked if he had gotten in touch with Mario. And Scott said, "I didn't know your shoulder still hurt. You haven't complained about it." Exasperated, I looked at him and replied, "That's because I'm a woman! Sheesh! We don't complain about pain!" (There's the old joke, that if men had to have the babies, humans would have died out long ago.)

He had Mario's info for me that night. In the meantime I had a woman do some Reiki energy work on the shoulder and it started to loosen up and the pain lessened. But it didn't solve the underlying problem that I carry all my stress in the my shoulders, neck and upper back. I feel like my shoulders are so tight they are up around my ears. So I gave a Mario a call.

My appointment was this evening. When I got to his apartment we chatted for a little bit about common acquaintances and then he asked me what was going on with my body and I explained to him about my shoulders, back and neck. He left the room, I got undressed and on the table and then he went to work. For a solid hour, he concentrated on those three areas, rubbing, kneading, practically beating those muscles into submission. Every time he hit a seized up spot on my back I flinched. We chatted a little during and he explained what he was seeing and how the muscles get knotted up and lose circulation so they can't loosen up. He said he's seen worse backs but I think he was just being kind. Towards the end he had me turn over onto my back and he went to work on the pectoral muscles which were also tight and therefore waging war with the back muscles over who controlled the shoulders. He ended up with some work on my neck and a scalp massage.

When I got up from the table, the tension was lessened, but still present. My shoulders at least felt like they had dropped a couple of inches and my neck felt longer. I think the tension is so firmly entrenched in my muscles that it is going to take some work to get them unknotted. I made another appointment for the 23rd and I think I'm going to hit the spa on my cruise next weekend for a massage.

I've always looked at massages as a luxury. I think I'm going to have to change that attitude for a while and view them as a necessity. I'm trying to imagine a day when I don't feel that familiar, painful tightness in my shoulders, neck and back. Right now, it's hard to see, but I know I can get there.

When I was getting dressed, I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair was really wacky from the scalp massage and the oil on his hands so I smoothed it down the best I could. When I left his building and headed home, I passed a guy sitting on a stoop and thought I saw him kind of smirk at me. And then I passed another guy who did the same thing. I thought, "What's their problem?" When I got home and really looked at myself in the mirror, I saw the flush on my body, the messy hair, and smudged mascara and suddenly realized what they were smirking at... I looked like I had just gotten laid! I started laughing. Oh well.

I didn't feel like harshing my mellow when I got home this evening, so I took the night off from exercise. I will return to exercise this evening. If my knees aren't up to walking, I think I'm going to pull out "Sweating to the Oldies". Richard Simmons is always good for a laugh.

Day 24: Well, At Least the Toilet Stopped Leaking

2008-06-24T20:00:00.000-07:00

For the past few days every time I went in the bathroom I had to mop up a large puddle that had formed on the floor. The first time I noticed it, I was all ready to yell at Scott about not closing the shower curtain all the way when he showered or even for having terrible aim (ewwwww!). But then when I went back into the bathroom, I noticed it again and I realized that the toilet was leaking. And it was getting progressively worse. I called maintenance on Monday, but of course, they didn't come until Tuesday so I had to continue to mop up. We call things like that the price we pay for the price we pay for this apartment. I've been in this same apartment for 16 years. My former roommate was here for 10 years before that. Hoboken has rent control, which makes living here a lot more affordable than most places in Hoboken.

And that is good. Because our apartment is so full of crap we had to rent a storage unit to hold the overflow of crap. It is positively crap-tacular. I keep telling myself that I'm going to go through all this crap and start to chuck things out. Since I'm trying break old habits and start new ones, perhaps I can break my pack rat habit. I'm searching for the life metaphor here. Maybe it's not only this extra weight that is weighing me down in my life, perhaps it's all the extra crap I keep around me. Tons of old boxes. Piles of old clothes I never wear and shall we discuss the shoe issue? I have lots of old shoes filling the bottom of my closet that haven't been on my feet in years. Perhaps if I start clearing the clutter, I'll have room for new things in my life.

And more practically, maybe I'll have more room in the house to exercise. I find myself clearing little spots to make room for what I should be doing, but by the time I get it all cleared, I'm totally out of the exercise mindset. Which is probably why I prefer to exercise outdoors instead. However, my knees are still a bit stiff and sore from Saturday's hike so I decided to give them a break last night. I pulled out the exercise bike and moved it into the bedroom so I could watch TV while I rode. The exercise bike was a $50 purchase on Ebay. It's got those handles that move too so when you ride you are moving your arms as well as your legs. It also has the world's most uncomfortable seat. When Scott used to ride it, he used to put a pillow on the seat. I stuck in a DVD of "Scarecrow and Mrs. King" (I'm in the middle of rewatching the entire run of the series. Bruce Boxleitner is soooo dreamy.) And I hopped on the bike. Wow, there was just no focusing. I'd watch the TV a bit, then I'd hop of the bike for a sec to move something or get some water. It's even worse than the treadmill. At least on the treadmill, I can keep moving for at least 30 minutes at a decent pace before I get bored. On the bike, I really struggled to get through a half hearted 30 minutes, which took more like 45 with all the distractions. I'm not sure I'll be hitting the bike again. I guess it's time to sell it on Ebay.

I have a real bike. It's in my storage unit. I plan on pulling it out of storage. I think, much like I find it easier to walk several miles outside, I will find it easier to ride outside as well. At least I'll feel like I'm getting somewhere. Also, I can start riding it to the grocery store or Target or on other errands I need to run. Maybe explore all the roads in Hoboken and some in Jersey City and Weehawken (although Weehawken may have to come later because it involves a couple of hills...) It will save on gas too.

See what I mean about good intentions?

Well tomorrow is my massage. I can't wait. I haven't had a massage since I was on the Blogger's Cruise back in January. Then it was heavenly. My massage therapist on the ship took my shoulders and neck as her own personal challenge. And she did a pretty good job.

I should be pretty relaxed and mellow tomorrow night.

Cheerios.

Day 23: "Bend and Stretch

2008-06-23T19:30:00.000-07:00

Reach for the stars. Here comes Jupiter. There goes Mars. Bend and Stretch. Reach for the sky. Stand on tip-toes, oh so high." How many people remember that? It's from the old kiddie show "Romper Room". For some reason after all these years that little ditty still resides in the depths of my brain, along with a healthy chunk of lyrics from "Kids Are People Too" from Wonderama, any number of songs from Sesame Street, the Preamble to the Constitution and the address for writing to the show Zoom. "Write Zoom! Z, double O, M! Box 350, Boston, Mass, 0-2-1-3-4. Send it to Zoom!" There is all this useless trivia cluttering up my mind. And of course, if I learn something new, it's not a piece of useless trivia that gets pushed out, it usually some other more useful piece of information. I always said if I could learn to use my powers for good instead of evil, I could cure cancer.

The Romper Room song bubbled up into my consciousness as I was in yoga tonight. I was really enjoying the stretching aspect of class tonight, last week I felt completely bunched up and hunched over. Everything was tight like it was ready to burst apart at any moment. And my mood was kind of the same way. I'm not sure if the mood was the result of the physical or the physical was the result of the mood. But I'm just happy that the mood is passing.

So I really concentrated on the stretch tonight and it felt good.

There was one other thing I realized during yoga tonight. Jody had us do a few balance poses tonight. Poses where we had to balance on one foot. These have never been my forte. I always blame my weak ankles. As I rushed to get into each pose, I would lose my balance and fall over as soon as I lifted my other foot off the floor. Finally, I just stopped for a moment. I slowed down and concentrated on my one foot on the floor. I imagined it rooted to the floor. I concentrated on making that as strong and stable as possible. Then I lifted the other foot almost unconsciously, as if I was trying to ignore the fact that I was only on one foot. And you know what? It worked. I was able to get into the pose and hold it. There was a little wiggling and balance adjustments, but there I was on one foot.

All I really had to do was slow down. I need to take the time to establish that one foot as my base and really focus on making it as strong as possible before I moved forward. And once I did that, the other foot was able to go where it was supposed to. Gee, you think that maybe there is a life lesson in there?

Living and working in the New York City area, everything is rush, rush, rush. I walk fast to get where I need to be. I even catch my reflection in windows from time to time and see myself leaning forward as I walk as if that will get me there quicker. At work I program as fast as my little fingers can type so I can get more programs finished. Then after work, I rush to the Port Authority to get on a bus and get home as quickly as possible so I can attend to the personal things I need to do. And I rush through those. I rush through my meals. I rush through my exercise. I rush through this blog. And as a result? My shoulders and neck are so tight they feel like they are going to snap sometimes. And I gained .7 pounds.

So I think I need to slow down. I need to take a minute and really concentrate on making that one foot a solid base and maybe along with the other foot, my life will be able to go where it needs to be. And maybe the weight will come off, but not while I'm in such a rush. As y'all keep reminding me, slow and steady wins the race and baby steps are needed.

Of course putting this little life lesson into practice will be the challenge.

On Wednesday, I'm missing my yoga class so I can get a massage. Like I said, my shoulders and neck are so tight I feel like my shoulders are hunched all the time. I carry my stress there and in the tops of my thighs. I'm going to have him concentrate on those areas while I focus on my breathing and just slow down. Hopefully it will help.

But I think the first step is to just remember to breathe. So tomorrow, I will get up and I will breathe. If I feel myself bunching up again, I will find a quiet place and just breathe.

Let's see if I can stick to that. Namaste.

Day 22b: The New Not-So Magic Number

2008-06-23T03:56:00.000-07:00

I realized I forgot to post yesterday's new magic number... Well it was .7 pounds...PLUS .7 pounds. Yes, I gained almost a pound. Two steps forward, one step back. I guess I'll just have to redouble my efforts this week. And pray what I'm hoping is PMS will pass this week.

Booger

Day 22: Catching Up...

2008-06-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

First, I apologize for not blogging on either Friday or Saturday. This had been a off week. Off in many ways. A high, high with the birth of my nephew, a lovely evening with Kevin, but a lot more lows with a bad mood, work stress, and some poor eating choices, and an inability to muster any enthusiasm for exercise this week. I mean I didn't sit down and eat a whole box of Entenmann's Rich Frosted Donuts or a pint of Ben & Jerry's or even a package of Funny Bones (all though I had a close call with that last one). And I did actually exercise most days this week. But I didn't try very hard. And today I broke down and had a small chocolate soft ice cream cone from Mr. Softee.

Interestingly enough the hike that I took yesterday basically reflected the way my week has gone. Some really great and beautiful highs (literally) and some really low lows (mentally).

This week's hike was in Ringwood State Park. The write up says that it is a 5.5 mile hike. They lied. And I must take this moment to apologize to my brother Chris. I dragged him on this hike the year before last telling him that it was only a 5.5 mile moderate hike. He could do it. Well, he decided to wear his brand new pedometer and by the time we dragged our carcasses back to the car his pedometer read 6.2 miles. I told him that he must have configured his pedometer wrong or that it wasn't working properly, because the write up clearly says that it is a 5.5 mile hike. Well, when I got back to my car today, my pedometer read... 6.2 miles. Sorry I doubted you Chris!

Anyway, this hike has three significant ups in it and they all happen in the first half of the hike. As a matter of fact, the first one, the trek up Cupsaw Mountain, happens in the first half mile. This one starts you off with a very picturesque walk over a couple of wooden bridges, but once you cross the road, the pain starts. It's an immediate uphill trudge, no getting the muscles warm, just straight into it. Fortunately, it's not a very long up, it's a little steep in places, but not too bad. I even saw a deer leaping across the trail above me on the the mountain. Once up to the ridge, you have to go back down.

Oddly enough, I dread steep downs more than I do steep ups. Downs are a lot harder on my knees. I have to take them really slowly and make sure that I place my feet carefully with each step. Remember when you were a kid, how you could just run full speed down a hill and if you fell down it was fun and you just rolled the rest of the way down the hill? Yeah, me too. But these days, not so much.

The trail lead down into a wet area. There were quite a few spots of "seasonal wetness", some real shoe sucking mud. But soon I came out into the Shepherd Lake Recreation Area. There were lots of people already there (around 10:30 in the morning), swimming in the lake, fishing, renting kayaks and boats. I was already sweating like George W. Bush at a spelling bee, so it was very tempting to kick off my boots and just walk into the lake. But the prospect of walking another 4 miles or so in wet underwear and shorts kept me on the shore. I had a nice stroll along side the lake, and then turned off the road and began the trek up the second serious up.

I know I started this hike pretty early, but I didn't see a single other soul on the trails. Not a one. Not a single DHP, not a single unprepared day hiker. Maybe they knew something that I didn't know.

The third significant up is the hike up Mount Defiance. This is where you get the really money shots. It's also where the ups get steeper and the downs get scarier and it requires a bit of rock scrambling. Oddly enough, you don't get the views from the peak of the mountain. It's more like a rocky meadow up there, but then you head down a bit and the trail parallels some "impressive cliffs". The only problem is that you actually have to climb down to parallel those impressive cliffs. It was a bit of a scramble and I think I hyperextended my right knee during it. That knee started giving me problems over the rest of the hike.

I think my knees have a bit of a sibling rivalry going on. I've mentioned before that I had surgery on my left knee, so I tend to favor the left. The right knee has become aware of this and is rebelling. The left knee gets to wear the knee brace with the metal hinges, while the right gets the basic neoprene support. Apparently the right knee has become jealous of the support I give the left and let me know it by aching badly for the rest of the hike and being stiff all day Sunday. So I went out and bought the right its own "bionic" knee brace today.

Back to the hike. As I came down the trail there were a couple of side trails that I followed to rock out croppings with a fabulous view over the surrounding area. It was absolutely gorgeous, so lush and green. I would have loved to stay longer, but was starting to get really tired and my knees and feet were starting to ache so I made my way down the mountain on a switch back trail. I eventually came out on the grounds of Skylands Manor. It's a lovely area with a Botanical Garden, but I was too tired to explore it.

Now, occasionally on a hike you hit a point where you are just done with the hike. You may not actually be at the end of the hike, but your body and your mind are done with it. Your feet hurt, your knees aches, the charm of nature has worn off and all you really want to do is get back to your car and turn on the air conditioning. I was done with this hike almost two miles from the end. I was tired of the bugs buzzing in my ear, I was tired of the face fulls of webs I kept getting. I was tired of picking my way through muddy areas, I was tired of bushwhacking my way through lesser used areas of the trail. I was tired. And I was done. But, I had to slog through that last two miles to get to my car and its air conditioner. I was never so happy to see a hike end. But then of course I had to walk to the bathroom across a field and back and that added another 1/10th of a mile to the hike.

When I got back to my car my trusty pedometer read:

Miles: 6.35
Steps: 14905
Calories burned: 705
In a little over 3 hours.

Today I woke up grumpy and sore. We did diner breakfast and then I went for a little retail therapy. But walking around the mall made my feet sore and my knee hurt. So fat lot of good that did me.

I think I'll go to bed now. Tomorrow will hopefully be better.

Day 19: Oops I Did It Again...

2008-06-19T20:39:00.000-07:00

I'm a bad girl... But it's all Kevin's fault! I swear!

I started off today really well. I had my bran flakes and blueberries, my mid-morning apple and then a bunch of vegetables from the deli salad/hot bar with a small baked chicken breast.

But then around 1:30, I got a text message out of the blue... "Dinner tonight?" It was my friend and fellow Evil Crew member, Kevin. We've been trying to get together for dinner for a while and apparently he was coming into Manhattan today for a meeting. I considered playing hard to get, don't want him to think that I'll drop everything just because he calls. So, of course, I immediately texted back "Sure. Why not?"

We set the time for 6:15 at Choice Kitchen and Cocktails. A friend had told me about the place and Thursday night is martini night, so the time seemed right to try it. Of course now that I had plans for the evening, I immediately spilled some of my lunch on the shirt I was wearing. So I ran out of the office and grabbed a new shirt from the store around the corner. (Ah the perks of working in midtown.) I headed over to the restaurant after work and got there about 10 minutes early so I hung outside and waited. Kevin was a little late, which seems to be the norm for him when meeting me! And when he arrived he walked right past me and the restaurant. I called out to him but he kept walking lost in his cigarette and his thoughts I guess. I watched him walk to the end of the block, look around, cross the street and start down the other side. Laughing, I waited until he got to the other corner and then pulled out my phone to call him, just as he called me wondering where the restaurant was. I got a good giggle from that.

When he finally arrived 20 seconds later, we grabbed an outside table. I tried to be good. Okay, I didn't try that hard. The remedy martini sounded entirely too tasty, coconut rum, pineapple juice and... something else with alcohol in it, oh, wait, vodka and banana liquor, that was it. I had three. They were sooooooo good. So I tried to be smarter about my food. I had the goat cheese tapas appetizer, basically dollops of goat cheese on toast with artichoke hearts and tomatoes. It was tasty and I only ate half, then for dinner I got the striped bass in a citrus glaze. Kevin was a big ol' copy cat and got the bass too. It was okay, but nothing to write home about. Did I mention that the drinks were really tasty?

We talked a lot while we were eating, so that kind of forced me to slow down my eating, which is a good thing. I used to race through my meals. When I was a kid, I was a very slow eater and I always ended up getting yelled at for holding up the whole clean up process. So I learned to eat fast. The problem with eating fast is that you never feel full so you eat more. That's something that most people don't think about as they inhale their meals and run to the next thing, I know I never did. Thinking about it, maybe I should never eat alone, so I talk more and eat slower. Scott and I have hit that comfortable silence stage so we're going to have to invite a third party I can chatter to.

We gossiped about the crew and chatted about work and travel. It was funny, this is only the second time we've ever met face to face, but it feels like I've known Kevin forever. It must be all those emails.

We walked from the restaurant back to the PATH train and Penn Station, and then I walked home from the PATH train. I'm going to count that as exercise, especially since I think I covered a little extra ground since I wasn't exactly walking a straight line. Boy, three drinks go a lot farther when you've been living on greens!

I've really got get back to the exercise tomorrow. I'm feeling a little guilty, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'll just do a nice challenging hike this weekend and not be surprised if I don't lose anything this week. (Just as long as I don't gain!)

Did I mention that the drinks were really tasty? Next time I want to try the blood orange cooler.

Well, at least I had the fish.

'Night all!

Day 18b: Introducing...

2008-06-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

The reason I missed my yoga class tonight... And pretty darned cute reason at that!

James Allen Duvall. 5 pounds 3.6 ounces. 18 inches long. Arrived June 18, 2008 at 6:37pm via C-section (hence his perfect and very cute head). I'm totally smitten.

And my sister is doing well too.

Day 18: A Child is Born in Bethlehem...

2008-06-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

Pennsylvania. My youngest sister is being induced today. She has a number of factors making it a high risk pregnancy, so they are taking the baby about 4 weeks early. So I'm off to Bethlehem this afternoon to meet the 3rd Nephew (#6 overall) James Duvall.

So tonight's regularly scheduled blog entry, not to mention yoga class, will not happen!

See y'all tomorrow!

Day 17: So You Had a Bad Day...

2008-06-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I had a bad day. In fact, I would go so far as to describe it as "crappy ass". Work was overwhelming and my spirits seem to be in the dumps. About halfway through the day, I just hit a low. It happens. I just start to question everything in my life, particularly right now my job. I'm feeling sort of stuck and more than a little overwhelmed. I told Scott the other night that he really needs to get his butt in gear because it would be nice if he could support me in the manner to which I'd like to become accustomed. And I was only half kidding.

My usual MO when this mood hits me is to comfort myself with food. I thought about it. Oh, how I thought about it. Towards the end of my work day, I took a break and strolled outside for a few minutes. The Mister Softee truck on the corner was playing his sweet siren song, calling to me with the promise of comfort in the form of a chocolate shake. Like and alcoholic confronted with bottle of vodka, I pulled out my phone and called my sponsor, the ever supportive Princess Elaine, and said, "You've got to talk me down. I want a chocolate shake." And bless her heart she did. She made me laugh and forget about the fact that I wanted a chocolate shake. And then warned me if I went ahead and got it anyway, she'd know, because she was a Jewish mother and she has all seeing eyes in the back of her head. And you know what? I believed her. She worked that guilt like a freakin' maestro, and in the end I stopped at the fruit stand and got a banana instead. Everyone should have a well practiced Jewish mother in their lives. Thank you my sistah princess!

When I got home from work, I was suffering from a complete lack of gumption. I had planned on cooking dinner, but instead I just ended up throwing together a whole wheat wrap with chicken breast, avocado, and pineapple salsa. Then I mindlessly played games on the computer for a while trying to work up the will and desire to exercise. Finally around 9, I decided that if I didn't get off my butt and out of the house I would ended up standing in front of the fridge and no good can come of that.

Maybe a walk would improve my mood. So I put on my sneakers and mp3 player and headed out the door. I didn't walk particularly fast, although, anyone who has ever walked the streets of New York with me, knows that my regular gait is quite lively. I ended up walking up to the north end of Hoboken and then following the river all the way to the south end, before coming halfway back and doing those godforsaken stairs and the hill at Stevens Institute of Technology. All told it was 4.7 miles, 11052 steps, 10953 aerobic steps and 464 calories burned.

As I wandered along, I kept skipping to the "wallowing" songs on my mp3 player, Joni Mitchell, Billy Bragg, Tom Waits, Cat Stevens, Harry Chapin, singing out loud when I was out of earshot (because why should others have to suffer with me?) When I got home, my mood hadn't really improved, but at least I didn't console myself with food.

Yes, I'm in full on poor, poor pitiful me stage right now.

But this too shall pass...

Day 16: Ancient History

2008-06-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

Yoga class was a little more normal tonight. Turns out Jody was sick last week and trying to push through with a 103 fever. Silly wabbit. I knew the energy was off. But today was better, and I followed it up with a trial Reiki session. Reiki is a Japanese technique for relaxation and stress reduction that promotes healing. Basically it's energy work.

I was going to write a whole blog about energy and being sensitive to it, but then I got sidetracked. My niece posted a bunch of pictures from her senior prom on her myspace page, so I had to check them out. And of course it brought back memories of my own proms.

I was never the thin one in high school. I was the chubby "best friend" type, the mousy brown haired side kick. I was the buddy to all the guys. They didn't date me, but they hung out with me. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that I could drink most of them under the table. I was aware of my weight issues and I occasionally wished that I could be one of the thin cheerleader types, but that was never going to happen. My weight was and continues to be one of my biggest insecurities. So when a guy was actually interested in me, it always surprised me. I had a couple boyfriends during high school, but never anyone who actually went to my high school and never for very long. So I went to my proms with friends. Sort of a "Hey, I want to go to prom and you want to go to prom, so why don't we go together. Okay cool." kind of thing.

Now, I'm going to show y'all something. Please don't judge. And please keep in mind that this was the mid 80's. Here, making their internet debut, are my prom pictures.

This is my Junior Prom. My date is Steven Bitkower. He was a year older than me and a friend. He was also a last minute fill in for me. I was originally supposed to go with a guy that I had a thing for. But his very traditional Thai parents did not approve and he ended up having to break our date. Steven, bless his soul, was kind enough to step in and join me. We had a nice time. Two other girls were wearing the same dress as me. And yes, my natural hair color is actually that dark. (I didn't start to color it until about 5 years ago.)

Compared to what I gained later in life, I actually look pretty thin here, but compared to other girls I was big.

I kept that dress until just a few years ago, yeah, like I was ever going to wear that again right?

This is the Senior prom. Y'all can stop laughing now. It's New Jersey in 1987, my hair is supposed to be that big. I swear that I think I was possessed by the ghost of Scarlett O'Hara. I remember when I found the dress that I absolutely loved it, but they did not have it in my size. I had to get a size 12 I believe and they had to put some extra panels in the bodice to make it fit. It was sort of mortifying. And yes, I'm wearing a hoop skirt underneath. My date's name is Larry Bogad. We knew each other since elementary school. And come prom time we were both dateless, so it literally was "You wanna." "Yeah okay, if you wanna." My senior prom was actually kind of interesting. First of all, my older brother Chris and our friend Dave crashed it. They showed up in jeans and denim jackets and talked their way in. And second, we had a bitchin' after-prom. A bunch of us went up to a friend's vacation condo in Connecticut for the weekend. There was lots of alcohol involved. I remember falling down the steps at one point and getting a nice little cut in my shin. I laid there for a moment and then said, "Ow. I really must have done something because I can feel it." Ah sweet memories of youth!

Oh, but what I wouldn't give to weigh now what I weighed then! Even if I was still overweight, I hadn't yet been introduced to the Freshman Fifteen (or more like 30 in my case) and the simple pleasures of raw cookie dough eaten straight from the tube when you are really stoned. I had all that to look forward to! There's a time and place for everything, it's called college. But those are stories for another time.

Well with any luck, come January I'll be lighter than I was those twenty-mmmph...umm years ago.

G'night all!

Day 15: Baiting the Wolverines and A New Magic Number

2008-06-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

Today's magic number is...

2.8

I lost 2.8 pounds this week. That brings the total to 7.1 pounds so far. Now just for kicks when I got back from my hike today I weighed myself again, and I was almost a pound lighter. But that had to be water weight since I sweated like George W. Bush strapped to a lie detector. So we will stick with the morning's number.

That puts me at 205.6. I tell ya, when I get under 200 I'm gonna party like it's 1999! Oh wait, I was over 200 in 1999. So I guess I'm gonna party like it's 1994!

So today's hike was Pyramid Mountain in Montville, New Jersey. The write up says it was a 4.5 mile moderate loop hike, however, since they have re-routed a number of trails it's actually about 5 miles now (4.97 miles to be exact). It's shorter than my last 2 but it has more ups and the ups are more intense and rocky as are the downs (there was butt sliding involved).

I've done this hike several times in the past. And, by the way, this is one of two hikes that I've actually spotted a bear on. It starts out with a lovely little walk in the woods. But once you get on the yellow blazed trail the pain starts. Half the time you are looking for the next blaze and you lookup and see it over a big pile of rocks and boulders. But for the blazes, the trail isn't always clear.

My pedometer refused to count aerobic steps for me today. It is resolutely saying 0 aerobic steps taken, but with the way my heart was pounding and the fact that I was breathing as heavy as an obscene phone caller, at several points along the trail, says that I did indeed take many aerobic steps in the course of my journey.

The many ups on the trail provided a little rock scrambling for me which I enjoy. However, we had some big storms come through here last night and every thing was damp which makes the moss and lichen covered rocks a bit slippery. There were many moments on the trail today that I was thankful for my hiking stick and good hiking boots with ankle support.

The other things that the many ups give you is some really nice vistas. They are the reward for getting your ass up the mountain.

I saw lots of people on the main trails that I used today. A lot families out together. And not a single DHP! Probably because many of the trails are too darn rocky for safe running.

The main features of this trail are what is called "glacial erratics". Glacial erratics are boulders left behind in curious positions by the movement of the glaciers through this area many millions of years ago. The most curious of these erratics is Tripod Rock. This is an enormous boulder balanced on three smaller boulders. There are also two other smaller rocks sort of similarly situated nearby. The interesting thing about the two small boulders is that they form a perfect "gunsight" for a summer solstice sunset.

When I arrived here today there was a group of kids and adults climbing around, over and under the rocks taking pictures. The kids looked like they were really enjoying their time outdoors which was really nice to see in this age of couch potato kids. Having been through here any number of times, I suggested a couple of other picture options, that are kind of fun photo tricks. These pictures are from a couple years ago...

After this the trail descends into a swampy area. The 3 signs you are in a swamp in New Jersey, skunk cabbage, fiddle ferns and dead bodies. Wait, I'm just kidding about that last one. The third sign is the mosquitos. I don't have pictures from this area, because if you stop for a moment you get swarmed. So I kept moving to head for the higher elevations. The other big glacial erractic I encountered just before I left the swamp was Bear Rock. The hike description says Native Americans used to shelter by this ginormous rock. It's pretty impressive looking.

As I approached the end of my hike, I met a lot more people coming up the trail. It seems there was a party in a park nearby and some of the party goers decided to take a stroll in the woods. I met one such couple and their young daughter at the top of the highest point in the park. They had decided to follow the blue trail and had no idea where it would take them. The father had a beer in his hand and the wife had a small bottle of water. At least they had sense enough to ask me where the blue trail led (out of the park and into another county!) and how to get back to the parking area, without having to go back the way they came. I pulled out the map I had picked up and showed them where they were and that they should make a right onto the yellow trail when they came to the junction. and that would lead them back to the parking area. Then, I gave them my map and they set off down the trail. I just shook my head as I started back down the trail. Maybe I'm just anal, but I can't fathom wandering off in the woods without at least a trail description or better yet a map and a sufficient amount of water.

I passed several more groups heading up the mountain without maps or water. Pyramid Mountain is a pretty well traveled trail area, so I'm sure they made it out fine. But to me they just looked like wolverine bait.

By the time I made it back to my car, my trusty but temperamental pedometer read:

Miles: 4.97
Steps: 11670
Aerobic Steps: 0 (bull dookie!)
Calories burned: 531 (at least!)
Time: about 2 hours 45 minutes
I was soaking wet and looking forward to nice long shower when I got home.

Why is it that even when it's hot and humid out and you are disgustingly hot and sweaty, a hot shower still feels so good?

Oh, a quick note about Saturday. My cheat day so we did diner breakfast. I ran a bunch of errands and then that evening it poured. So exercise for the day was the treadmill. I'm attempting the Couch-to-5K Running Plan that one of John Heald's Bloggers mentioned. I think I did pretty well for the first time. But it was tough and I was dripping with sweat when I finished. I decided to follow it up with some light weight work, since one of my doctors once told me "I don't care what you weigh, as long as you build muscle." Because muscle metabolizes sugar better and faster.

I'm off to watch the Tonys. 'Night all!

Day 13: Friday the 13th and Weirdness Abounds

2008-06-14T04:00:00.000-07:00

Everything has been just a little off kilter since my weird yoga class on Wednesday. And Friday was no exception. Thursday I had been so busy at work that I didn't have time to finish everything that I needed to do, so when I got home Thursday night, after eating and walking and blogging, I had to do some work from home and that kept me up until about 2:30 in the morning. Every so often, while I was running a program, I would get up and walk into the kitchen. This is an old habit. I wandered in opened the refrigerator to see what was in there, then the freezer. The difference is that the one time I did give in this time, I ate a 40 calorie no sugar added fudgesicle, which are really darn tasty. Scott's been really good about keeping the crap out of the house because he knows I have no will power, but I don't forbid the foods in the house, because this is my issue, not his. Currently there is a bag of cheese curls which I have successfully managed to resist.

Friday I got up a little later than intended so it was raisin bran for breakfast. I was at a client site until around 2pm, and on the way back I stopped at a deli to pick up lunch from their salad and hot food bars. I loaded up on steamed broccoli and carats, spinach salad, a couple of shrimp with a little fresh mozzarella and half a roasted chicken breast, just to get a little more protein. I finished out my day at work and headed home around 5:45 fully intending to cook dinner and do "Sweatin' to the Oldies".

But what actually happened was this. My neck and shoulder have really been bothering me lately and Friday it became a full blown muscle ache. ( I carry all my stress in my shoulders and the tops of my thighs). So when I got home, I found the heating pad and laid down for a few minutes just to give it some heat. And I promptly fell asleep. I woke up 2 hours later around 8:30, took out my contact lenses, got undressed and went back to bed. I slept straight through until about 6:45 am. I'm guessing my body needed some sleep!

Scott finds it very amusing that when my body says it's done for the day. It's done. There is no winding down period. It goes from 60 to 0 like I've suddenly run into a brick wall. When I hit the bed I'm usually out within 5 minutes. If we are out at a party or with friends, I can feel when it's starting and all I say to Scott is "I'm done" and he knows we need to get moving towards home.

I guess my body was giving me a great big "I'M DONE" yesterday.

I have a friend that I've developed a really fun email relationship with. We write at least twice a week and he asked me yesterday why I was so weird lately. So I explained about the yoga class and then I realized I hadn't told him about my "lifestyle change". I told him what I was doing and how it was a big change and is really contributing to the fact that I've been off kilter until I get used to it. But the timing seemed to be right for this change. After all, this seems to be a year of big change for many people. There are all my fellow Bloggers out there making this commitment to diet and fitness. My brother and two of my friends (including my email buddy) have quit smoking. And I have another friend who took some very brave steps to remedy a lifetime of insecurities. If they can do it, I can too!

We're closing in on the end of week two. I'm hoping tomorrow's number is a good one. We shall see. But if it's not, then I guess I'll just have keep my head down, keep eating right and up the activity level.

And hopefully soon, I get a little less strange.

Day 12: Farmisht , Farmutshet, and Farshvitst

2008-06-12T21:38:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's amazing how one off night at yoga just puts you all out of whack. My mind has been unfocused and distracted all day. So of course it got really busy at work today.

For those who don't know, I work in the diamond industry. I'm a programmer for a small software company that makes inventory and A/R control software for diamond dealers. The diamond industry is very heavily Jewish and though I am not of that faith, I've picked up enough over the years that I might as well be. Yiddish is one of those things that I've picked up. One thing I love about Yiddish words is that they often mean exactly what the sound like, especially the less than polite words. Like putz, you may not know exactly what it means, but just by the sound of it you don't want to be called it. My two favorite words are meshugass, which means madness or insanity, and (I hope I don't offend) farkakte, which means kind of like sh*tty or f*cked up.

The other thing I picked up was about another 70 pounds (I was already about 30 pounds overweight when I started this job). For 17 years I have spent 8 hours a day 5 days a week sitting at a desk exercising my brain more than my butt. It made it very easy to pack on those pounds. After a long day, you get home and all you really want to do is veg out in front of the TV and turn your brain off for a while. Believe it or not having to think and solve problems all day is physically exhausting. Exercise? Maybe later. Cook a healthy balanced meal? A can of Chef Boyardee in the microwave is a lot quicker and easier. Have a bad day at work? Stressed out? Ben & Jerry are always there to comfort and reward you. Obviously I didn't have to fall into the sedentary lifestyle trap, but I was a prime candidate. Even now, there are some nights when I get home and all I really want to do is sit on my butt. The difference is now I'm more motivated. When I started this blog, I joked that public failure is a strong motivator. What I've discovered is that it REALLY is. I'd feel like I let someone down if I didn't do the things I was supposed to and then come here and write about it (apparently I've also picked up some good old fashioned Jewish guilt too!).

Why is it so much easier to accept disappointing yourself than it is risking the disappointment of others?

I mean ultimately I'm not trying to lose this weight for you guys, I'm trying to lose it for me. I guess that's one of my other little personality quirks, I'm a people pleaser, so pleasing makes me feel more worthwhile. I used to be worse and it caused me no end of stress. Then finally just before my senior year of high school it all caught up with me and I had a bit of a mental meltdown. The thing that pulled me through and still does to when things get rough is something my brother Chris said to me on that day: "There are only two people in this world that you have to impress. That's me and that's you. And I'm already damn impressed."

So I try and keep those words with me when I get tired and frustrated with this whole lifestyle change. But now I have something more to go with those words, all the very kind and supportive comments and emails I've been getting from you all. They've been a great help getting through these first two weeks. Apparently positive reinforcement can keep cravings at bay! Behold the power of words.

So thank you for your support. I may be trying to lose this weight for me, but I'm not sure I could do it without you.

Day 11: Ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-06-12T03:36:00.000-07:00

I feel kind of cheap. Yoga tonight seemed like a "Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am" affair. Usually, Jody comes in and sits down and talks for a few minutes about something going on in her life and how yoga can help her deal with it and how we can use those lessons in our own lives. We joke around a bit and tease, then we start moving. Tonight, she walked in the room and immediately told us to "take dog" (downward facing dog pose). No friendly little get comfortable chat, no foreplay, just right into it. I mean we did our poses, and the movement was all there, but it just seemed... off. We had barely said "Namaste" before she was out the door this evening. At least she could have cuddled for a little bit...

Granted this is unusual for Jody and obviously there was something else going on so I really can't begrudge her. But this little change to routine now has me all out of whack. Apparently I have issues with change.

That is probably the single least surprising observation I could have made about myself. Of course I have issues with change! I've been in the same job for the last 17 years. I've lived in the same apartment for the last 16 years. I've had the same car for the past 8.

I suppose I could look to my childhood and analyze this, and again, it's pretty easy to spot. I had a series of changes that happened in my life very quickly (but not necessarily for the better) when I was very young that I had no control over. My mother passed away, my father remarried to a widow with two children and we moved to a new house with this new family all in the span of less than two years. And growing up, I'm not sure I ever got my footing in that new situation.

It's a little disconcerting being that obvious and predictable! (We can discuss how the abandonment issues and daddy issues arising from that situation affected my dating life at another time... It sucks being so textbook!) LOL!

This "uncomfortableness" with change is most likely a big part of the reason I've had so much trouble sticking with the diet and fitness thing in the past. It's a change. A big change.

But here I am trying hard to make this lifestyle change once again. And here we are in the middle of week two and I think I've been doing okay. They say it takes about three weeks to establish a habit, for me I fear it is a bit longer. But here's hoping that this diet and fitness thing and particularly the not eating the crap thing because more ingrained and mindless in the next two weeks.

And maybe, just maybe, if I successfully navigate this change, I'll have the courage to make other changes in my life that I've been contemplating but too afraid to attempt. That would be a nice little bonus.

Day 10: One of THOSE Days

2008-06-11T02:47:00.000-07:00

It just had to be one of those days. A day where nothing seems to go right and you realize that you would have been better off, just staying home and hiding under the covers.

It started off okay. I had my oatmeal and fresh strawberries for breakfast. Then I made my first mistake. I left my house. To get to work, I take the bus. The bus stop in Hoboken is about two blocks from my house so it's very convenient. Now considering that my office is literally only 5 miles away from my house you would think that this would be a quick and easy commute. You would be wrong, especially this morning. The first thing I noticed was that the buses arriving at our stop were a lot more packed than usual. As it turns out, there was a fire on the 33rd Street PATH line (the PATH trains are subways that run between New Jersey and New York), and therefore all midtown PATH service was shut down, forcing many people to take the bus across the river instead. I was able to get on the second bus that came and I actually got a seat. The traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel was somewhat backed up so that took a little while to get through. Then as we started to turn onto the ramp up to the Port Authority Bus Terminal (our final destination), there was a loud bang, followed by an evil scraping noise that startled all the headphone wearing, Ipod listening, cell phone chatting commuters on the bus. The Greyhound bus turning into the lane next to us was now connected to us as our bus tried to shave off the front corner of their vehicle.

It was just a minor fender bender and nobody was hurt, but it took a while for the drivers to come up with a plan of action and move the buses to place where others could get by. Then we ended up being let off the bus at the bottom of this busy ramp area, adding an extra three long crosstown blocks to my walk in the already ridiculous heat. By the time, I got to my office I was dripping with sweat and my 5 mile commute had taken an hour and a half.

I had a hard time focusing yesterday. Everything just felt a little off. I ate my apple mid morning and then the Lean Cuisine entree around 1:30. Then my boyfriend called. His sister was in town. We were supposed to get together with her on Sunday, but she never got in touch and now she wanted to have dinner with us before she flew back to San Francisco the next day. So, I met Scott after work and we headed down to the West Village to meet Jill at Trattoria Spaghetto on Bleecker Street. The pasta was tempting, calling my name like a siren's song, but I resisted. I ordered a chicken and mesculun salad with fresh mozzarella and broccoli sauteed with garlic on the side. It was pretty tasty and I ate more than I probably should of as we sat and chatted with Jill.

After dinner, the 33rd Street PATH line was still out of service, so we caught a cab further downtown to the World Trade Center PATH train. Now you would think that almost 7 years later there might be some buildings actually rising in the area where the towers used to be. But since everything having to do with this project seems to have to go through endless committees, Ground Zero is pretty much still a big hole in the ground. But lately they have moved the "temporary" PATH entrance from the east side to the north side of the area and it's all a bit confusing. We waited for a train in the stifling heat of the underground station and were thankful when we didn't have to wait long.

By the time we got back to Hoboken and emerged from the station, there were flickers of lightning in the distance. Thunder and lightning storms scare me. I startle easily so a loud clap of thunder really sets my heart racing and lightning displays often make me cower. Yes, I'm a big old baby. So we set off for home walking at a pretty good clip. The heat was still pretty oppressive and Scott wanted to stop for an Italian Ice. We stopped at the Ice Hut and they had cherry. I love cherry italian ice. I figured it was fat free so damn the sugar, I'd been without for a while, and got a small one. When we left the Ice Hut, the lightning flashes started coming faster. Then the wind kicked up. Within a matter of minutes, the strong breeze turned into extreme gusts and the dark sky went a weird gray/green/orange as the lightning continued to flash. The wind literally started to pick up the garbage cans and garbage bags left out for collection and hurl them around. The street lights flickered and then went out. Scott and I held onto each other and tried to shield our eyes as dust and dirt swirled around.

We made it to a little convenience store at the corner of Washington and Sixth and ducked inside for a few minutes hoping to let it pass. We waited for the lottery terminal to reboot itself and purchased a lottery ticket (Hey, you never know). By the time we went back outside, the wind was still gusting but not as strangely as it was before. We made it the last 3 blocks and held our breath as we turned onto the street because we could see the flashing lights of a fire truck. Not our house, thankfully. When we got inside, we were happy to find the power still on. But it was 9:30 pm and I was exhausted. I checked some email and chatted with my sistah Princess Elaine for a few and then went to bed and fell fast asleep.

So, basically, the whole previous story is my excuse for why I didn't exercise on Day 10. Oops. Mea Culpa. I promise to do better on Day 11.

Here's to a better day.

Day 9: Good Intentions

2008-06-09T18:31:00.000-07:00

Some of you might be wondering why this blog is subtitled "(Or... The Road to Hell)" No, it's not because dieting and exercise (oh, excuse me... "lifestyle changes") are a hellish torture. But you know the old saying, "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." Where weight loss and fitness are concerned I have a lot of good intentions. In a fact, here is a picture of my good intentions:

And we can't forget the exercise bike and treadmill (both bought on Ebay), which I will not post pictures of, because I can't take pictures of them without you seeing what a terrible mess my house is (Scott holds the rank of Major Chaos, but I outrank him as General Disarray).

See I've thought about trying to get in better shape many times in the past. I'd buy the video, watch it through once, maybe attempt it once and then it just gathers dust. Apparently fitness can not be gained through osmosis. I'd join a gym go for few weeks, then once life starting interfering with the schedule I set, I wouldn't go back again. The longest I lasted at any gym was 7 months at Curves. I kind of liked that workout ("Change station now."), but once you don't go a couple times, it gets harder and harder to go back. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone else?

Then yoga came along. I've managed to stick with that for over a year. But even with yoga my good intentions often get foiled by this thing called life. Take tonight for instance. I really did intend to go to my yoga class, even in this heat. But then a server crashed in Chicago so I got stuck on the phone helping the client until well after 5. By the time I got to the Port Authority the lines for the buses were outrageously long because of some traffic snafu involving the Lincoln Tunnel. I didn't get home until almost 7:30. At that point there was no way to make it to my yoga class in time.

It was too hot to cook so I heated some leftovers (1/2 portion of chicken marsala, couscous, and steamed broccoli) in the microwave, then considered my exercise options. I could walk, but it's damn hot out and my legs need a break after yesterday's 6.6 mile hike. And that also takes the treadmill out of the equation. Then I remembered all these lovely videos that I owned so I thought I'd give one a try. So...

Today's exercise: The Biggest Loser Workout Cardio Max (level 1)

This was my most recent purchase, an impulse buy at the register in the grocery store. I watch "The Biggest Loser" all the time, usually while sitting on the couch eating ice cream or something else bad for me. I figured with the amount of weight these people drop, they have to know what they are doing. Of course, watching a show like "The Biggest Loser" causes the obsession with the number on the scale. You watch the number of pounds these people drop each week and they get disappointed with anything less than five. Five pounds! And some of these people drop double digits week after week! It makes my 4.3 pounds look kind of paltry. But then you have to remind yourself that they have the luxury of 1) exercising upwards of 6 hours a day, 2) constant access to trainers, and 3) people telling them how and what to eat. I know in my head that it is not possible to live a real life and drop like that. But it doesn't help the obsession.

I have to tell you, "The Biggest Loser Workout: Cardio Max" level one, kicked my ass. I was dripping with sweat when it was over and I kept having to stop and catch my breath. Egads. But afterwards as always I feel better for having done it.

I think that I'm going to do each and every one of the tapes I have. Add them in once a week. It will help with my need for variety.

Now I'm sweaty and really tired. Time to hit the showers and catch some zzzzzzz's.

Good Night Moon!

Day 8: And the Magic Number is...

2008-06-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

4.3

4.3 is the number of pounds I've lost over the last week. It's a respectable number to be sure, after all, slow and steady wins the race. Anyone who has ever spent any time dieting knows how easy it is to obsess about that number on the scale. Of course you hear people all the time say, "Don't worry about the number on the scale, concentrate on how your clothes fit." So I will say that I was pleased today, when I finally moved down to that last notch on my belt.

So the first week is down, now I just have to keep my head down, keep eating healthy, exercise and try not to obsess about that damn number.

I have to apologize about no blog yesterday. The day completely got away from me. I didn't even get any specific exercise any, unless you count dragging the laundry to the laundromat. I'll tell you more about the day and dealing with my family at another point, because I want to tell you about my hike today. It's one of my absolute favorites.

Today's exercise: hiking

A 6.6 mile "lollipop" hike in the Black River County Park out in Chester, NJ. (click for the description I followed).

A lollipop hike is a hike where the beginning and end of the hike follow the same trail, but somewhere down the line you make a turn that takes you in a big loop before bringing you back to the spot where you turned off.

There are several reasons why I like this hike. It starts and ends with a relatively level and easy 1.2 mile stroll through the woods. It has a decent amount of ups and downs to really get your heart going. It has a great variety in the places it takes you, creeks, rolling meadows, a pine forest and a rocky river gorge. And most importantly it's quite beautiful.

It was really hot today, in the upper 90's so I wanted to get a nice early start. But I ended up sleeping until 8, so I was already and hour behind. Then of course I started off on the wrong foot by driving off in the wrong direction, whoops! And it takes a little over an hour to get out to the park. Another one of the pluses of this hike is that there are bathrooms by the parking lot. Never underestimate the value of an actual bathroom at the beginning and end of your hike. Because of the heat, I put three 1.5 liter bottles of water (one frozen to keep the others cool) in my pack and left a 4th in the car. I hit the bathroom and then headed out. The trail starts out behind an old historic mill and then follows a along a creek, crossing several foot bridges.

This was nice way to start. The path was wide open and I started to relax as I walked along at a pretty good clip. I was starting to glisten a bit as I moved, but nothing too bad yet. We've gotten a lot of rain lately and there was a big storm last night so there lots of "seasonal wetness" to be found. The foliage was very green and lush. I was the only person on the trail. Of course one of the bigger problems with hiking solo is that you get the face fulls of cobwebs and such that the insects like to string across your path.

I don't mind hiking by myself, but there are very set rules I use when I do. I print out at least 2 copies of the hike I'm doing and leave the hike on my screen at home. One copy I carry with me of course and the other goes into a ziploc bag with my last name, date and start time and gets left under my windshield wiper (this was a tip I picked up from a boy scout troop I ran into on a hike while I was looking for a place to pee. Guess that boulder wasn't as screened as I thought!) I always carry at least two 1.5 liter bottles of water, more if it's hot. I never wear headphones on the trail because I need to hear what's going on around me, (you've got to be able to hear a bear crashing through the woods, or the rattle of the rattlesnake you almost stepped on!) And I always make sure my cell phone is fully charged.

The hike passes a lovely little pond, but on a hot day like today you don't stop near standing water. Because if you do, you get surrounded by lots of little flying things. And the bugs were out in force today, I had to reapply the bug spray 3 times to keep them away from me. By the time I hit my first real up, I was pretty warm already and by the time I got to the top I was drenched. The first half of this hike is not all that different from any other hike. But once I hit the red trail, I got to one of my favorite parts.

The pine forest. This part of the trail is wonderful. The trail is covered in a thick layer of pine needles so it feels like you are walking on a very soft carpet. And the smell... it's just amazing. It's what every car freshner aspires to and never can achieve.

Today the pine forest had a few surprises for me however. This trail is a less used trail and obviously not many people had been down it recently so many parts of the the path were overgrown and I had to do a bit of bushwhacking. Then I came to a real obstacle. Two trees about 6 inches in diameter each had fallen across the path about waist high, too low to go under. It was so over grown on either side that there was no way to blaze a f*ck-it path, so I had to go over. When I put my left leg up and over the trees to straddle them, I ended up almost getting intimate with the remains of a broken branch. (If the tree had any sense of decency it would have bought me dinner first!). I felt a stabbing pain on my inner thigh and heard my shorts rip as the branch went right through. This is the second hike in a row that I've ripped my shorts. Thank goodness both pairs were already too big. After adjusting my position, I got my other leg over, thanked the trees for a good time and headed off down the trail.

After some more climbs and descents I ended up at my other favorite part of this trail. The Black River Gorge. The trail runs along the side of the river often becoming very narrow and fit for not much more than a billy goat, but the water rushing by on your left is so lovely and soothing, it's worth it. By this time I was soaking wet. I mean completely soaked through. My tank top was totally wet, there was a small area around the bottom hem that was still dry. My shorts were soaked. My hat was soaked. I wasn't glistening, I wasn't perspiring, I was full on sweating, it was literally pouring off of me. But I knew at this point I only had about two miles left so I pushed on. There was a lot more up as I climbed out of the gorge. Then headed back to the path I came in on.

When I got back to the mill, there were two older couples who had just finished a tour of the mill. One of the men, just stared at me as I came walking by, you would think the man had never seen a sweat drenched woman wearing a sopping wet tank top, ripped shorts and knee braces, arrive out of the woods before! Sheesh!

By the time I reached my car, I had drank over 3 liters of water and my trusty pedometer read:

Miles: 6.60
Steps: 15506
Aerobic steps: 13139 for 142 minutes
Calories burned: 699

But what floored me was the time, just a tad over 3 hours! I don't know how I maintained that pace! I felt like I was moving a lot slower. But hey I'll take it. I was tired, my right knee was a bit achy, but I felt really good. My lungs felt really open.

I stopped at a favorite farm market on my way home and picked up some freshly picked strawberries and asparagus. And this is just the beginning of the summer produce season, I can't wait for the rest to come in.

All in all it was a good day and a nice hike. Not a single DHP sighting (the wusses!) I only ran into three other people on the trails all day. This won't be the last 90+ degree day I hike this summer, so I guess I better get used to it.

Happy trails!

Day 6: I did it My Way

2008-06-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today's exercise: None! Today is a day of rest. It's also date night, so Scott and I will be heading out to dinner... uh oh.

Breakfast: 1 c. PostRaisin Bran, 1/2 c. 2% milk, 1/2 large banana

Mid morning snack: 1 apple

Lunch: The last of the French Potato and Chicken Salad, 1/2 c. couscous mixed with sauteed spinach and garlic (It's clean out the fridge day! lol!)

Mid Afternoon Snack: 1 c. green grapes

Early evening snack while waiting for Scott to get the hell home from work!: 1 banana

Dinner: 2 mozzarella sticks, 1/2 portion of chicken marsala, about a cup of angel hair pasta with marinara

Scott and I have our little routine. One morning every weekend we go out for diner breakfast at our favorite diner, the Park West. And every Friday is date night and we go out to dinner. Hoboken is only 1.2 miles square, but there are a million restaurants. Oddly enough we tend to frequent the same handful. Tonight we went to one of our regular spots, Leo's Grandevous. Leo's is a neighborhood Italian joint. Typical Italian fare for a decent price. They have the best veal parmigiana in town.

I know, I know, it's veal, little baby cows that are treated so terribly, but damn they are tasty. One of my favorite "South Park" bits is when the kids go to the cattle ranch on a class trip and when they go into the veal shed, there are all these little baby cows drawn with great big eyes, looking all sad. Cartman goes up to one and goes, "Awwwww, look at this one... He looks delicious!" I don't mind eating vegetarian, but I do like meat. My line is always, "If God did want us to eat animals, then he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!" But that is a personal choice.

Anyway, Scott got the veal parm and I got the chicken marsala. I went a little bit off the rails by eating two mozzarella sticks and half a piece of bread and some of the pasta. But it ain't gonna kill me and I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

Hoboken, for the one or two of you not from this planet or two young to know about the Rat Pack, is the birthplace of Frank Sinatra, ol' Blue Eyes. And this town loves its favorite son, even if he did hate this town. Once Sinatra got out, he never set foot back here again. But nobody talks about that. We have Sinatra Park, Sinatra Drive and the Frank Sinatra Memorial Post Office. And places like Leo's, that have dozens of pictures of the man up on its walls and a jukebox loaded with everything he ever sang. Tonight while we were eating Scott's favorite Sinatra song "Summer Wind" came on. I'm not sure if I have a favorite Sinatra song, but don't tell any of the old timers around here that. A couple of years before Frank passed away he collapsed on stage during a concert. I was coming home late that night after being out with friends, so obviously I had not been privy to that news. But when I got in a cab at the train station, before even asking me where I wanted to go, the cab driver turned to me and said, "Did you hear? Sinatra collapsed on stage tonight!" Yes this town loves their Frank.

Anyway, not real sure what any of that has to do with this diet, except now I have Sinatra riffhead, a weird mash-up of "Summer Wind" and "My Way".

Tomorrow should be a fun day. It's my "cheat day" (although tonight was kind of that) where I allow myself to eat things I wouldn't on a normal day (of course in moderation). You can't deny yourself all the time! And tomorrow is a family get together out at my sister's place in the middle of nowhere near the border of Pennsylvania. One thing my family does is eat. So I'm sure I'll have plenty to tell tomorrow. Lord help me, if I survive.

'Til then...

Day 5: Common Sense for Sale

2008-06-05T18:22:00.000-07:00

Today's exercise: walking

Breakfast: 1 c. oatmeal with 1/2 c. fresh blueberries and 1/2 c. 2% milk

Mid Morning Snack: 1 apple

Lunch: Another serving of the Chicken Tagine plus steamed green beans (cooking for 1 is a pain and you end up with lots of leftovers, since a lot of what I make Scott doesn't like)

Dinner: Grilled tilapia with yogurt cashew sauce over 1/2 cup couscous, sauteed fresh baby spinach with garlic. And the last Kozy Shack No Sugar Added Bananas Foster Pudding (interesting but I don't think I'll buy it again.

"Common sense is not so common." - Voltaire

Okay, any guys that might be reading this should probably skip this paragraph and move quickly on to the next one... ready? Ladies, do you know what's a good day to give up sugar, chocolate, and all those yummy comfort foods? Any day that you are not PMSing! Jeez, this timing is terrible. When I get cranky and miserable at this time of the month I always used to be comforted by my good friends Ben & Jerry. But alas that avenue is now closed. And I believe poor Scott will bear the brunt of it. But this too shall pass. Urgh.

Right, boys, you can come back now... For my walk this evening I did essentially the same 3 mile loop that I did on Tuesday night with one small difference. Instead of walking straight down Sinatra Drive, I looped around through the new Maxwell Place development and through the park they created on the river there. This new set of luxury condos is being built on the space formerly occupied by the Maxwell House Coffee plant, a Hoboken landmark for many years. Now the developers did not build the park out of the kindness of their hearts, it is part of the deal when the city gives them permission to develop an area. The idea is to have unfettered public access to the whole waterfront. They did a nice on job on what they built, but it's a lot smaller than was promised. Typical Hoboken, developers gloss over their responsibilities while the city officials are busy counting their bribe money (well, Hudson County, New Jersey is the most corrupt county in the country! WhooHoo! We're number 1!).

But I digress... While I was walking, I was thinking about what I've been eating this week and what I was eating before that, and wondering how I ever got so off track. I've done the diet thing a million times over but never really stuck with it. I know what I should be eating. I did the dietitian thing after my diabetes diagnosis. I've even read the books. For a long time I lived with my close friend Catherine. Cath is a medical writer (and one of the smartest people I've ever met). About 10 years she worked on a book called "Thin Tastes Better" with a "diet doctor to the stars" Stephen Gullo. Now, Stephen was not a physician or dietitian, he was a psychologist and in his work he would help people do things like identify their trigger foods (you know, those foods that you just can't eat a little of, like oh, say... ice cream) and teach them to avoid those foods. He also gave them little mantras to recite, like "Thin tastes better." or "Green is lean, white is light." or "It's better to wear Italian than eat Italian." Catchy, right? Even after all these years I remember them.

Okay, I have to interrupt for a moment... funny story time... The other thing I remember about that book was the book release party. It was held at the Waldorf Astoria and hosted by Ernest Borgnine's wife Tovah. There were a few recognizable people there, but not a lot. In deference to the fact that it was a diet book, the food was all light nibbles, and the only alcohol was white wine. After a few glasses of wine, I found myself talking to some random gentleman. I asked what he did and he told me that he was the head of the Meadowlands (a big arena/stadium/race track, it's were the Jets, Giants and Nets play). Anyway, I'd had a bit to drink and not a lot to eat, so of course the first thing that pops out of my mouth is "You've got great parking lots!" He looked at me kind of funny and said, "Uh, thanks?" I blathered on, "No, seriously, I can always find my car and it never takes long to get out of the lot after a concert!" Not my finest conversational moment.

Back at the point... The other thing I took away from that book was, "Wow, that's just all your basic common sense." And he gets paid for that? This whole common sense aspect to eating was driven home a couple months ago when TLC ran a series called "I Can Make You Thin" featuring Paul McKenna. When I saw the ads, I recognized him and I realized that Mr. McKenna is a hypnotist. He used to do entertainment hypnotism shows, I saw him at a theater in Times Square several years ago. But now it seems he's has gotten into to helping people with weight loss. He now has books and videos and CD's and this TLC series all to pimp his "Four Golden Rules of Weight Loss." As I watched that first episode, I could hardly wait for him to give me these 4 rules that would unlock the mystery of weight loss for me. After much fanfare and build up he revealed them:

1. When you are hungry, eat.
2. Eat what you want
3. Eat consciously.
4. When you are full, stop.

Can you say, "D'OH!" I mean seriously. He's making money for that? Okay, I suppose the real moneymaker is number 3, because in general, people don't really think while they eat. His thing is to put your fork down between bites and really chew your food and taste it. Which again is not a new concept, but I guess somebody needed to point it out. So all those times your mother yelled at you for not chewing your food, maybe she wasn't just worried about you choking.

I suppose somebody needed to point all these things out. I know I forgot them. And they are such simple little common sense things. So I feel kind of silly.

I mean, ultimately, I'm sure there are some issues I have with food that I'll have to recognize and deal with. But in the meantime I'll try to remember a little common sense.

By the way, on my walk tonight, Mister Softee was totally dogging me. I passed him at 8th and Park and Tony waved to me and I waved back. Then he moved the truck down to 10th and Park. As I passed again, Tony waved again and I waved back. Then he moved the truck to 12th and Park... three times I was tempted! I felt like Jesus out in the wilderness. And let me tell you this is not the time to be tempting me! (see the first paragraph, except the guys, you really shouldn't look).

That's all for this evening. But before I go, I want to share some of the views from the 14th Street Pier where I walk (these shots were taken when the 3 Cunard Queens were in New York).

Day 4: Not Exactly The Girl in the Red Velvet Dress

2008-06-04T06:26:00.000-07:00

Today's exercise: yoga class

Breakfast: 1 cup of Post Raisin Bran with 2% milk (Does anyone else remember when the raisins in Raisin Bran used to be coated with sugar?)

Mid Morning Snack: 1 Red Delicious Apple (You know what they say about an apple a day... and I hate doctors, they always find something wrong with you)

Lunch: Another serving of last night's Chicken Tagine and steamed broccoli with a tbsp of fat free feta cheese to make it interesting

Mid Afternoon Snack: 1 Kozy Shack 60 calorie No Sugar Added Bananas Foster pudding cup

Dinner: 1 serving of the French Potato and Chicken Salad and steamed broccoli with a tbsp of fat free feta (gotta be quick and easy so I can get to class on time)

Any woman who has seen the movie "The Fabulous Baker Boys" with Jeff and Beau Bridges and Michelle Pfeiffer will know exactly which scene I am talking about. Any piano man probably will too since they've likely had to deal with the fantasies that resulted. It's that New Year's Eve scene where Michelle Pfeiffer is crawling on top of the piano singing "Makin' Whoopee" in that red velvet dress, ohmygod SO sexy. Topped only by the scene a few moments later where Jeff Bridges is sitting on the edge of the stage with her afterwards and he starts massaging her neck and eventually moves down her back and unzips her dress and moves his hands forward underneath... I'm getting all flushed thinking about it. Give me a moment...

Okay. Anyway, that movie didn't start my fascination with piano players and piano bars (for that we can blame My Brian, my best friend from college, my great unrequited love and a talented piano player), but it certainly helped it along. I mean after seeing that scene how can you not fantasize about writhing on top of a piano in a slinky red velvet dress while Jeff Bridges plays? I'm only human.

Now I've never actually writhed on top of a piano in a slinky red velvet dress, but I have ridden a piano or two in my time. And for that you can blame Ron Pass (Rides on the piano are free, but rides on the organ will cost ya!). He let me ride my first piano in the Lindy Hop piano bar on the Carnival Valor in July of 2006. On the newer Carnival ships the piano is on a platform that rotates (and on the newest ships, it goes both ways!), so I could say that it's a great vantage point from which to see the entire room. But the truth of the matter is I'm just a big ol' ham and when I go out drinking I occasionally cut a little too loose. (Plus, I will admit, I enjoy the vibrations... LOL). Riding the piano has been sort of a habit with me ever since.

On the next cruise I took on the Carnival Valor again the following summer, the piano man (Carl Evans) not only let me ride me the piano, but he gave me the damn microphone and had me sing "Makin' Whoopee". Oy vey! So I sang it, in the key of C apparently. I was just happy that there was a key involved. I know I embarrassed my niece, who happened to walk by the piano bar just at that point. And I would say I embarrassed myself, but I think I had a little too much gin in my system for that to happen, so I do have some fuzzy fond memories of the performance.

I've tried to limit my piano riding to the Carnival ships (they don't call them the Fun Ships for nothing!) however, I managed to end up on top of the piano at Howl At The Moon in Orlando a couple of weeks ago. So it seems to be spreading... hmmm.

Not exactly Michelle Pfeiffer, right?

So now, I'm thinking if I make my goal by the time the Bloggers Cruise v.2.0, perhaps to celebrate I will buy a slinky red dress (I think velvet would be a little too heavy for the Caribbean, lol) and really do the piano ride right. It's always good to reward yourself for accomplishing goals, isnt it?

My yoga teacher tried to kill me tonight. Now, I know you're thinking that's not very "yogi" of her. And you're possibly thinking that I might be over exaggerating a tad. Well, you might be right about the exaggeration. But on the first count, well, Jody is not your typical "yogi" and I think that's why I like her so much. I know for years my perception of yoga and the people who practiced it had a lot to do with crunchy granola, ultra mellow, vegans. In the past few years as yoga has come into vogue as an exercise, that obviously has changed a bit. Then I met Jody. Jody is, as my friend Ray is fond of calling me, a sassy, brassy Joisey girl. And bit of a smartass to boot. She can curse a blue streak, freely admits that she can be impatient and obnoxious but she's working on that through yoga. And if you make smartass remarks to her before class, she will try to kill you with the poses. It certainly seemed tougher this week than weeks previous, plus it was hot as hades in the room and I was sweating like two dollar hooker at a Shriner's convention. I didn't sign on for Bikram yoga! When I got home my muscles were still quivering, which, ultimately, I suppose is a good thing. But still, I think I'll keep my smart comments to myself next time until after class.

We're over the hump and halfway through week one! Hooray! But it's a long road ahead... Happy and healthy travels to all those on that road with me!

Day 3 - Battlefield: Midtown

2008-06-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

Today's exercise: Walking

Breakfast: Oatmeal with 1/2 cup fresh blueberries and a little 2% milk (which we now have two containers of since we both remembered to pick it up) I know the oatmeal is getting a little repetitive, but I like it and quite frankly, in the morning my brain is not fully functional and not inclined to be creative.

Mid Morning Snack: 1 Red Delicious Apple (I get it from the fruit guy outside my office. I really want a banana but those are high in sugar so I limit those.)

Lunch: Another serving of the French Potato and Chicken Salad. (it was tasty!)

Mid Afternoon Snack: 1 Jello 70 calorie sugar free rice pudding. (I loves me the pudding!)

Dinner: Chicken Tagine with apricots and almonds over 1/2 c. couscous (Another Weight Watcher Recipe and three more servings to use this week.)

Dessert: Kozy Shack No Sugar added 60 calorie Bananas Foster pudding cup (just trying some new things to curb the sweet tooth)

This time of year is a good time to start a "lifestyle change" like this. Fresh produce gets better, farmers markets open up offering great locally grown fruits and vegetables. There is very little better in this world than a nice ripe Jersey Beefsteak tomato and sweet Jersey corn fresh picked from the fields. New Jersey isn't called the Garden State for nothing! Stop snickering all of you, there really is a lot more to this state than just the tour you get during the opening credits of the Sopranos. I'll be taking pictures on my hikes to prove it!

The unfortunate part of this time of year is that Midtown Manhattan, always dangerous to a diet, seems to grow a Mr. Softee or a Mr. Softee impostor on every other freakin' street corner. And I have to say, the one on the corner of 6th Avenue and 45th Street makes a damn fine chocolate shake. Prior to the start of this, I stopped at his truck once or twice a week. It was way yummy..... mmmmmmm..... chocolate shake.... Okay, sorry, I'm back. But in the two weeks leading up to this dieting adventure I started weaning myself off of some things like diet soda, bread, and chocolate milkshakes. In fact when I ordered my last one, I said to the guy, "I've got to break this addiction. This is the last one." And he replied, "You keep saying that!" But I've stuck to my guns and now there has been no chocolate shake for almost 2 weeks.

We have Mister Softee in Hoboken too. He's a really cute guy named Tony. Tony has been doing the Hoboken route as long as I've lived there (16 years!) He's very sweet and when ever I visited his truck (which was quite often in the early years) we would chit chat about life and such. I had crush on Mister Softee. I'll never forget when he told me that over the winter he had gotten married. I was a little crushed. So I paid him for my sundae and as I turned to leave, I jokingly said, "Well, I can't buy ice cream from you anymore, you just broke my heart." I got a couple of steps from the truck and he leaned out his window and yelled, "Does this mean we can't be friends?" And my heart melted just a little more. He's just a genuinely nice guy. And of course, now I'm very fond of Mister Softees in general.

Scott almost ruined that for me once by telling me about a guy he knew who used to run a Mister Softee truck in the inner city and often traded ice cream cones for... well, you know, attention for his own personal popsicle. But I resolutely hold on to my image of Tony as Mister Softee.

Since today's exercise is walking, I decided to put on my pedometer and see how many steps I walk in an average day. You know they say that you should take 10,000 steps a day for optimal health. I clipped on my pedometer as I headed out the door. As it turned out, by the time I get to work. I walked almost a mile (.93).

Living in Hoboken and working in NYC means a lot of walking. I walk from my house to the bus, from the Port Authority to my office and back again at night. I walk to the grocery store and carry those bags home. Often when we go out on our Friday night dinner date, we walk to the restaurant. In fact, if I didn't have a car, I could still live my life pretty much as it is now. (But I'd miss weekend diner breakfast at the Park West Diner, best diner in Jersey in my opinion) .

It's just such a part of normal life that I don't even think about it anymore. It never occurs to me that most of the country does not walk everywhere until I have someone come for a visit. I was leading a friend from Indiana out of the subway one day and when we got out onto the street. She looked at me and said, "You do those stairs everyday?" Again, it never occurred to me that this wasn't normal life. Now if I do all this walking, why am I still 60 pounds overweight? Because I ate a lot of crap and didn't do much besides the necessary walking. But I always said that if I didn't live where I lived and work where I worked than I would have ended up weighing over 300 pounds.

With the price of gas these days, I'm pretty happy being able to walk most everywhere I need to go!

When I got home this evening my pedometer read 2.64 miles and about 6200 steps. That's not bad for just everyday life. But if I want to lose the weight I've got to get more in. So I made dinner and then hit the pavement around 8:15. I find it so much easier to walk outside than on a treadmill. If I'm walking outside at least I feel like I'm getting somewhere. Plus the scenery changes. (I think I mentioned that I get bored easily.) So my walk took me up to the North end of Hoboken then over to the riverfront, then South along the river, then up the godforsaken wooden steps up the cliff to Stevens Tech, through the campus which has a nice incline, then back downtown to my house. I'd never measured before but it turns out the it is almost exactly 3 miles. Now at the end of the day, my pedometer reads 5.63 miles, 13217 steps taken, 10285 of those were "aerobic" steps, 551 calories burned. At least that's what it says, and I really want to believe it. Call me an optimist, just don't call me late for dinner... ba dum dum... Thank you folks I'll be here all week!

Day 2 - I Have Not Yet Begun to Crave!

2008-06-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

Today's exercise: yoga class

Breakfast: oatmeal with sliced strawberries, but no milk because someone who shall remain nameless (Scott) used up the milk in one of his late night cereal fests.

Mid Morning snack: 1 red delicious apple

Lunch: Lean Cuisine Butternut Squash Ravioli and 1 peach. I know those frozen meals aren't the best option, and are usually very high in sodium, but as I am not a salter, I'd like to think I can get away with it. Plus, I'm not a morning person, so unless I have something ready to go the night before, I'm grabbing what ever I can get my hands on.

Mid Afternoon snack: Jello Sugar Free 70 calorie Rice Pudding (satisfies the sweet tooth, sort of)

Dinner: French Potato and Chicken Salad (recipe from WeightWatchers). I know, potatoes, but seeing as how the serving size allowed for maybe half a small red potato, I'm not gonna sweat it. I had to cut the recipe in half, and I still have 3 more servings for lunches or dinners.

So about this yoga thing...

Anyone who knows me has probably had to listen to me expound on the virtues of yoga. And even though most of you reading this know me, I'm gonna expound all over the place again.

One of the nasty consequences of being overweight for most of my life, is that I've ruined my knees. About two and a half years ago, I injured the left knee for a third time and ended up on crutches. When the orthopedic surgeon looked at my x-rays he told me I had old knees. Too old for a person my age. This injury had torn my meniscus and ACL, but in addition I had arthritis building up and lots of bone chips floating around in there, so he scheduled me for surgery. During the surgery he repaired and cleaned up what he could and then it was off to physical therapy to strengthen it. But when the visits ran out, I did too. The knee was better but still not real strong and often gave me little twinges of pain. Stiffness was also a way of life (and had been for years).

A little over a year ago my brother Chris told me he had started a yoga class and was really enjoying it. Now Chris is not a physical guy so I thought the idea of him doing downward facing dog was amusing enough to check it out. When the next beginner class cycle started, I signed up with him at Become One Yoga and Pilates Center in Rutherford, NJ.

As it turned out I was so busy focusing on getting my own body into position that I never even glanced Chris' way. We stuck with it together going once a week at first and now twice a week. But the changes from even going just once a week were undeniable. My body shape changed. Oh I was still overweight, but things shifted around a bit and gave me a more defined hourglass figure. But the biggest change was my knee. I hadn't been able to sit cross legged in many, many years, my left knee would get painful after just few minutes of being bent. But after about 4 months of doing yoga, I could sit comfortably cross legged. The knee became stronger than it has ever been and hasn't caused me any pain since I started the yoga. It's the little victories that count. I can reach my feet now when I sit with my legs in front of me. I haven't done that since I was young. My brother's happiest achievement was the day he discovered that he could actually bend over pick something up off the floor. It really is the little things.

So here we are now over a year later and still going on a regular basis. It's the longest I've ever stuck with any exercise type thing. And as an added bonus, my mental state has become a bit more balanced. I still get stressed, but I'm less inclined to burst into tears when I do. I honestly can't say enough good things about yoga. I could go on and on and on, but I'll leave it there for now. Besides I'm tired and it's time for bed. Mmmmmm sleep.

And now for your moment of zen:

Triangle pose
Downward facing frog

Namaste

Day 1... Off To An Okay Start

2008-06-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

This is me two weeks ago at Disney World. I'm the one in the tiara. This is the starting point. I have to admit I'm a little ashamed to post the following starting figures, but it's only fair, so ya'll will be able to see the changes.

But here we go:

Height: 5'7" (I was 5'6" for a very long time and then a couple of years ago the doctor told me I was 5'7"! Go figure!

Starting weight: 212.7 pound (Egads! Still it used to be worse!)

BMI: 33.3 (yes, this puts me into the obese category. That hurts!)

Bust: 45" Thigh: 25.25"
Waist: 39.5" Upper Arm: 16"
Hips: 45"

Today's exercise: Hiking

I woke up this morning, knowing that it was D-day. so I got up and instead of running for bagels, I had oatmeal with sliced strawberries and a little 2% milk. It was an absolutely gorgeous day out so I planned to go hiking after I dropped my boyfriend off at work.

There are tons of places to hike in the Northern New Jersey / New York area. I chose to do one that I had done before, South Mountain Reservation in Millburn, New Jersey. It's a 6 mile moderate loop hike in the Watchung Mountains. This hike has two big pluses. First, it's only about 30 minutes from my house. Second, the most difficult parts of the trail are in the first 3.5 miles, so the last 2.5 miles, feels like a nice stroll in the woods. The one big minus is that the first half mile is ALL up.

Now lest y'all think I'm being too ambitious with a hike like this, I should explain that I'm not a novice hiker. I've been day hiking for several years, just not as often as I would like or would help. One spring and summer a friend and I managed to hike almost every single weekend from April to November, just missing a couple. I got in decent shape, but of course, I was eating crap, so I didn't lose a whole lot of weight.

Anyway, this being the first hike I'm telling you about, I should probably explain a few other things. Now, you know when you see a commercial with that outdoorsy type couple hiking through the woods and she's wearing cute little khaki shorts and cute, clean hiking boots and a tank top, lightly leaping from stone to stone across a stream, with nary a bead of perspiration marring her brow? That is SO not me. I look like I'm heading out to war. I wear a t-shirt, cargo shorts (with a big pocket on the side for a water bottle), a baseball hat to keep the sweat from running into my eyes (because I sweat, a LOT) and keep the creepy crawlies out of my hair, hiking boots that are scuffed and muddy, knee braces on both knees, and a hunter orange backpack, with emergency first aid kit, ponchos, an emergency blanket, bug spray, sun block, and at least 3 liters of water.

The hunter orange backpack was purchased after one hike during October when we discovered we were out in the woods in green shorts and a brown t-shirt on the Opening Day of hunting season. Live and learn people!

I also use a hiking stick. I have terrible knees because of years of being overweight. The hiking stick is a godsend. It has kept me from falling flat on my face when tripping over roots and rocks. It helps me balance on stones and logs when crossing streams or swampy areas. And it gives me that little extra support when scrambling up and down rocks. My friend borrowed one of mine once and the very next week she had her own brand new stick. They are just that helpful.

There are a few hiking terms you may need to know as well.

DHP's (Damn Healthy People) These are those people that coming running along the trail right past you in their little running outfits and sneakers. They seem to magically fly over the stones and roots that threaten my knees and ankles with egregious injury with every step I take. And even though that level of fitness is something to aspire to, when you're sweating your way up a 45% incline stopping to catch your breath, sometime you just want to stick your foot out and trip them.
Seasonal Wetness When a hike description mentions that you may encounter "seasonal wetness" that could mean anything from a couple of puddles on your path, to big mud pits that threaten to suck down your whole leg if you fall off of the log or stepping stones, some kind soul before you had laid over it, to gushing streams of water crossing the path in front of you. My favorite was the seasonal wetness that washed away the small foot bridge and sinking the boards in the mud so you had to solve the puzzle of where to put your feet to get across.
F*ck-it Path When you encounter an obstacle in your path, it could be the aforementioned seasonal wetness, a fallen tree or a boulder and your legs feel like lead already, look to the left or right. Chances are someone has been there before you, looked at the obstacle and said, "F*ck it." And blazed a new trail around the obstacle.
Blazes These are the markers that you follow down the trail. They are usually rectangles painted on the trees and boulders, or colored metal discs or rectangles nailed to the tree. The color tells you which trail and the positioning tells you which way to go. Fortunately, trails that are maintained by the New York/New Jersey Trail conference are pretty well blazed and maintained. But still sometimes you really have to look for the next one (trees do fall after all).
Unnecessary Ups These are the bane of my existence. An unnecessary up often occurs when you miss a blaze and make a wrong turn, happily thinking that thank goodness it's downhill, only to realize when you get to the bottom that you went the completely wrong way and now you have to climb back up. That climb is an unnecessary up.

This is getting kind of long and I haven't even talked about the actual hike! Well, like I said, it is a 6 mile hike and it starts from a parking lot where you pick up the yellow-blazed Lenape trail. Of course all excited for my hike and thinking I remembered where to go, I headed off through the picnic area and promptly missed the next blaze and ended up in someone's backyard. Ooops.

The first half mile is walking up the mountain. It's not terribly, steep but it is significant and I had to stop often, taking it in small sections of 30 steps at a time. And of course it was here that I ran into the only DHP I encountered, but he was running downhill, so I felt better. I finally reached the top and was greeted with a grand view of the valley below me and the NYC skyline to the East. Up here there are a bunch of Revolutionary War Monuments because George Washington apparently stood here at some point and surveyed the approach of the Redcoats below. I've seen all this before so I soldiered on.

I wish I had pictures to post, but my boyfriend left the camera at his office...

After that the trail gets more rugged, moving up and down and it goes around the mountain. I crossed a couple of cascades that because of rain the night before had a decent amount of water running over them. I kept glancing at my pedometer thinking am I halfway yet? Nope. I was in a more remote section of the park at this point. I didn't encounter anyone for a very long time. It can be a little eerie when you're hiking by yourself.

After almost 3.5 miles I finally hit the landmark of this hike. A decent sized waterfall, complete with a shallow pool and today, two little nymphos, I mean nymphs, in white bikinis taking pictures of each other standing under the cascade, photos which will probably end up on their myspace page. Yeah, that's what I needed to see. I was hot, sweaty, I had ripped my shorts up the side, I was filthy, and not to mention 60 pounds overweight. Well, somebody up there has a sense of humor. Thanks. But I sat down a little ways away and ate my 100 calorie no-sugar added granola bar.

After the falls it was on to the white blazed Rahway trail, which follows along the Rahway River. It's a pretty easy walk after that. I encountered lots of people strolling along the easier and wider bridal trails to got visit the falls. I met one group of women on the actual trail who asked me directions to the falls. One of the women said, "We were just admiring your knee braces." I said, "I learned a long time ago. They're not sexy, but they work!"

The last mile and a half went quickly. I was happy to see the glint off of the cars in the distance. By the time I reached my car, according to my pedometer, I had walked 5.88 miles, taken 13298 steps, 9803 were "aerobic" steps (however, pedometers base on time and steps, they don't take into account inclines), and burned at least 594 calories (again only factors based on walking level), in 3 hours. I was tired.

Whenever I get off a trail the first thing I do is call my boyfriend and tell him that I "didn't get eaten by wolverines." This is a little running joke between us, after he warned me one time not to get eaten by the wolverines. Occasionally when I call after a hike, he'll answer, "Wolverine hotline!".

By the time I got home all I wanted was a shower and a sit down. Why do hot showers feel so much better when you are sweaty? When Scott got home from work, we decided to go out to eat. Ah a test of the diet! We went to a Mexican place, Charritos, I got their grilled chicken fajitas, figuring that was the safest option. And I left the sour cream alone! But not the guacamole. I love guacamole....

I ignored the kitchen after 8 pm. Tried to concentrate on everything but food, before finally going to bed.

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty successful first day. Oh lord, how many more days of this?

Blame it on the Blog

2008-05-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

There are a couple of blogs online that I read regularly, mostly friends' postings. But one that I've been reading since it's inception is Carnival's Senior Cruise Director John Heald's Blog . I found John's Blog through the CruiseCritic website, a site I frequent when planning a cruise and, well frankly, most other times as well.

Anyway... The blog started when John was bringing out Carnival's newest ship, the Freedom, last March. It was originally conceived as a way to give readers a "peek behind the curtain" at the challenges and daily operations of cruise ship life. John's frank and funny style and his willingness to talk about the bad as well as the good caught my attention and hooked me. Since its start a whole little community has sprung up around this blog, culminating in a John Heald hosted Bloggers Cruise last January on the Freedom. Yes, I was there and finally met face to face so many of the characters that I had met through the blog and they became an online family to me.

It's an incredibly supportive group, always encouraging or comforting or making you laugh, whatever is needed at the moment. So it was no surprise that there was an outpouring of supportive posts when John announced on his blog his intention to lose 60 pounds by January 1, 2009. Many of the folks on the blog pledged to lose weight with him. It's always easier when you know others are suffering with you!

I realized that John and are sort of in the same boat. I also need to lose about 60 pounds and am living with Type II diabetes. So I decided to be one of those that joins John in his quest. I'm going to try very hard to lose 60 pounds by January 1, 2009.

My weight has been an issue for pretty much all my life. There was that one summer between 6th and 7th grade where I hit a growth spurt and stretched out. I was all legs at that point. And it's probably been the thinnest I've ever been. Those were the days... that probably lasted all of about three months.

I've never been a small person. When I graduated from college and got a job as a software programmer, I started packing on the pounds even more. I would draw lines in the sand that I swore I would never cross (I won't let myself get over 200) then I promptly moved the line again when I crossed it (as long as my boobs stick out farther than my stomach). I topped out at around 250 around 8 years ago, so I made some changes in what I ate for a while and dropped a little over 30 pounds. I was less rigid and I wasn't exercising, so I bounced up and down between 210 and 225 for a while.

About 4 years ago, by accident, I found out I had developed Type II Diabetes. I was really good about my eating for a while and took off some more weight, never getting below 205. Then I started exercising and when I started exercising I just got hungrier so I started eating more again and rationalizing that I was exercising so I could eat all the crap. Needless to say that didn't work. So I started slipping into old patterns, including not exercising and once again I was bouncing between 210 and 225.

I've changed my eating habits significantly since that high of 250, but the lapses are frequent and discouraging. I don't think I eat poorly most of the time, but my downfalls are portion size and eating late at night. Plus, I'm an emotional eater and a boredom eater and a chocoholic, I've got a sweet tooth that won't quit. I've got a million excuses.

So, here I am, making this latest attempt at weight loss fairly public, because the possibility of a public failure is a strong motivator! LOL!

I hope the journey turns out to be interesting!