Day 11: Ch-ch-ch-changes

I feel kind of cheap. Yoga tonight seemed like a "Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am" affair. Usually, Jody comes in and sits down and talks for a few minutes about something going on in her life and how yoga can help her deal with it and how we can use those lessons in our own lives. We joke around a bit and tease, then we start moving. Tonight, she walked in the room and immediately told us to "take dog" (downward facing dog pose). No friendly little get comfortable chat, no foreplay, just right into it. I mean we did our poses, and the movement was all there, but it just seemed... off. We had barely said "Namaste" before she was out the door this evening. At least she could have cuddled for a little bit...

Granted this is unusual for Jody and obviously there was something else going on so I really can't begrudge her. But this little change to routine now has me all out of whack. Apparently I have issues with change.

That is probably the single least surprising observation I could have made about myself. Of course I have issues with change! I've been in the same job for the last 17 years. I've lived in the same apartment for the last 16 years. I've had the same car for the past 8.

I suppose I could look to my childhood and analyze this, and again, it's pretty easy to spot. I had a series of changes that happened in my life very quickly (but not necessarily for the better) when I was very young that I had no control over. My mother passed away, my father remarried to a widow with two children and we moved to a new house with this new family all in the span of less than two years. And growing up, I'm not sure I ever got my footing in that new situation.

It's a little disconcerting being that obvious and predictable! (We can discuss how the abandonment issues and daddy issues arising from that situation affected my dating life at another time... It sucks being so textbook!) LOL!

This "uncomfortableness" with change is most likely a big part of the reason I've had so much trouble sticking with the diet and fitness thing in the past. It's a change. A big change.

But here I am trying hard to make this lifestyle change once again. And here we are in the middle of week two and I think I've been doing okay. They say it takes about three weeks to establish a habit, for me I fear it is a bit longer. But here's hoping that this diet and fitness thing and particularly the not eating the crap thing because more ingrained and mindless in the next two weeks.

And maybe, just maybe, if I successfully navigate this change, I'll have the courage to make other changes in my life that I've been contemplating but too afraid to attempt. That would be a nice little bonus.